Sunday, April 30, 2006

Every little helps

Well, we didn't go to IKEA, didn't get up early enough. Decided to visit a Tesco Extra instead. Bad idea. We must have picked the chaviest Tesco in the WORLD. I have never seen so much chavdom grouped together under one roof.

Highlights included:

A mother telling her child that "you can't have a frisby or I won't have enough money for cigs." Classy. It cost 47p FFS!!!

A father (possibly teenage but he looked about 40, no doubt because of his 'hard life', spent drinking White Lightening at the tax payers' expense) telling his son, "Behave, or we won't go to Greggs."

And my personal favourite, involving two chavettes in the clothing bit:
Chavette 1: "What d'you need an outfit for again?"
Chavette 2: "We're going out for our anniversary."
Chavette 1: "Oh aye, are you going anywhere nice?"
Chavette 2: "Pizza Hut."

Rock on Tommy.

I'm off to watch Murder, She Wrote.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

I am Tyler Durden

Okay, so I'm NOT Tyler Durden, but it IS 4.44am and I can't sleep. That is basically how that whole TD thing started so you can allow me a bit of artistic licence for purposes of a catchy title.

Why can't I sleep? This is most peculiar. I don't usually have any problems in this area. My nickname at school was 'Narco' because I was so good at sleeping. I should point out that this is not the best nickname as it has an ambiguity not appreciated by most private schools. No I am NOT a drugs pusher, I'm just LAZY and Latin lessons have a tendancy to push me over the edge.

Remember that cartoon called Potsworth & Co? That was dynamic!! They all used to go to sleep and meet up in 'The Dreamzone!' If only I could do that. I can tell you I have tried on many occasions. Only last week in fact Buff and I had a go. It didn't work.

We're going to IKEA today. This could be the worst idea Buff and I have had since he brought a Sony Vaio home for me to learn HTML on. Vaios are by no means the worst PC offenders in my eyes, but that god-awful piano/synth human ear violation that insists on coming on, always at a volume louder than bombs, got too much for me. It had to go.

I'm hungry again now. Obviously the kilo of M&S food wasn't enough to satisfy my voracious appetite after all. There's still some 'remains' in the bowl. The crunchy bits round the side that you always subconsciously leave for later. Mmmm....would it be wrong to have a nibble? It's seems a little scrotey, but then, it is M&S, and I AM posh. Noone would ever accuse ME of being a Big Issue seller. Why not.

Peace, love and meatball remains to you all, I have some early morning snacking to attend to.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Of all the seven sins, Gluttony is my favourite

We did it. We ate a kilo of Italian Meatballs and Pasta and Chicken Arabiatta (or something). I feel like we've earned a T-Shirt that says "I ate a kilo of Pasta at Home". Man I'm full now.

Still got room for that tube of Smarties I bought on Wednesday though. I say tube, they now take a hexagonal form. Minus the plastic lid. No plastic lid!! That's my favourite part, guessing what the letter will be! They've spoiled it. Rotten Smartie makers >:0(

What I might do, is get Buff to write a letter on the underside of the hexagonal thingy, and then I can guess that instead. Plan! I'm going to guess the letter...........P! For Pandah!

Here goes nothing...........

Damn it. K. Arse.

Milky Joe

Tonight, Buff and I have topped my 'whole block of cheese from wrapper' incident. We went to buy food from M&S and ended up buying a family size portion EACH of wonderful foodage. I have Italian Meatballs and Pasta, Buff has Chicken Arabiatta (or something). I don't know if we'll manage to eat it all (it's still cooking), but we're helluva gonna try!!!!

Ming and I have had to make our own gang now. Arkwright isn't speaking to either of us. Sad but true. Ford might join us as well. He's an expert rubber-band flicker. Awesome! I'm still slightly upset, but as Ming isn't as tight, and we generally have more in common, maybe it's for the best. Surely Arkwright will come round in the end??!! I think the whole thing is utterly bizarre. He takes the piss out of me all the time, why am I not allowed to do the same?!! Oh well.

Ming bought me a coconut today, it rules! I'm going to turn it into Milky Joe. The only thing I'm not sure about is whether to drain it or not. I was going to just leave it, but what if it explodes? On the other hand, I could drill a hole and drain the milk, but all the fleshy stuff would still be in there and go off. So, I would have to saw the bottom off and scrape everything out to ensure all health and safety aspects are covered. Hmm. I will have to do some research.

The truth is out there.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The Unspoken

So I remembered a lot of things that I forgot to keep you informed about, as well as some other random crap that you should just know anyway.

1. The programme about the man with seven wives was shite. Super Saz agreed it was both depressing and boring. She and I have decided that we prefer the shows about freakish mutants with serious problems. Yes we laugh at their misfortunes, but it makes us feel better about ourselves so surely it's both healthy and beneficial. Next time, it'll have to be a man with seven heads before we're interested.

2. Rhubarb DOES scream. When it grows. At night. And you can see it if you go to Wakefield.

3. Peanut Kit Kat Chunky's are dynamic, despite the fact the peanut butter repeats on you all afternoon. They're no more dangerous than Eurest coleslaw, and they're tastier and cheaper frankly.

4. Monkeys CAN talk, they just don't do it when we're watching them.

5. Sometimes, people forget what it is they thought they had to tell everyone, and so spout random crap instead.

Oh, that would be me.


Today was not a good day. Arkwright is not speaking to me, he's unimpressed that I have relayed his tales on t'internet. He claims the details are inaccurate, but they're not!!! So I don't get it, but if he's going to sulk then he's making himself look even worse so I don't care. It has made lunchtimes a little sour, but the Saint says he sulks about everything so I should just leave him to it. Oh well.

Also, the microwave isn't actually that impressive, as it would seem that the only thing it does that others don't do, is scan the packaging. Double bummer. So not a good day.

I was too ill to write last night, but I can't remember what happened yesterday. I know I have to find out about the screaming rhubarb for Ming so we must have discussed that.

Hmm. I'm so uninspired. Screaming rhubarb research it is.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Seven wives....

Tonight I am still poorly, so much so, my eyes are all blurry and my head feels weird. I was hoping to watch a programme about a man in London with seven wives. I'll have to Sky + it and rely on my good friend Super Saz to tell me whether I should bother watching it or not. Oh the pain, when will this vomitty torment end.....?!!!

Monday, April 24, 2006

Smart Buff

Today I have been poorly. I was up in the night with a bit of sickness, then woke up and felt average. Went to work but had to come home as my face felt like it was going to explode! It's all hot, very weird, and I have a funny headache. So not a great day! But, Buff, as always managed to make it bearable (and then some) by bringing home goodies!!
We now have a Samsung Smart Oven, which is cooler, cool. It's a microwave, that scans food packaging so it knows how long it needs to cook! It also has all these other cool things on it, I haven't worked them all out yet cos I'm poorly, but there are lots of orange flashy light things, and it makes cool noises. Then, as if that wasn't enough, we also have a Samsung vacuum cleaner. It's very cool also, as you control everything from the nozzle bit (it's infra-red), and when you increase or decrease the power, these funky blue light bars go up and down on the main bit of the vacuum! It's pretty powerful too, and the extension bit of the hose moves up and down a bit like a gun!! A big lock and load gun!! Very Arnie. It's only for doing the stairs and car with, but it rules!! Good work Buff!!

I'm going to have to go now though, as this screen isn't helping my headache :0(


Saturday, April 22, 2006

Magical Mr Jarratt

This evening, my friend Jarratt introduced me to Magical Trevor. I'm not really sure how to describe this phenomenon, so I'll just give you the links and tell you to make sure you have sound.

Magical Trevor 1

Magical Trevor 2

Respect. Thanks Jarratt!

One, two, hoover my shoe

Not a lot happened yesterday. Work was crap, Buff and I came home and ate pizza and garlic bread whilst watching Green Wing, and then we slept. And slept. And slept.

Got up at half eleven today, that never happens! We had ourselves some good coffee and headed out. I don't know if I've mentioned this but Buff and I are buying our first house!! To say we've been married for two years it's certainly taken us long enough but it was worth the wait. We're buying a 4 bedroomed townhouse in a lovely little village. But, it's a new build, so we got to pick everything we wanted! Yess! Today we went to sort some other gubbins out, including picking a fire and upgrading the light switches and sockets to chrome ones. We wandered down to the site and they've started the second storey, hooray!! It's looking good, we are uber excited!! Will keep you posted as to anything else that happens.

I should point something out here. Before we left, I got my All Stars out of the porch and started putting them on. To my horror I discovered cobwebs!! Big thick nasty cobwebs! No sign of the sneaky arachnid that did it but I was less than pleased >:0( So I had to hoover out my shoes. Can you imagine, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever done!! Well, probably not, but it felt like it. When I catch you spider you'll be in big trubs, BIG trubs, y'hear me??!!

I'm now watching Property Ladder. Very irritating New Zealand woman on it. She needs a slap. I fancy a cup of tea actually, might go and do that.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Thunder, Thunder, Thundercats, hooooooooo!

Well, being a compulsive Googler I had to look 'em up. They were the Ro-Bear Berbils. Leader was Rober-Bill. He looks kinda cool. But I like the name Yobil Yobils better.

The last supper

Tonight I ate the last of my Easter chocolate. It was a Kinder bunny, and it was good. But now I'm sad, I want more, much, much more. Buff says I can have his Mini Egg one, but the guilt would kill me.

We found the carpet we like today. It is indeed a nice wool mix. It's gonna cost a fortune but it's gonna look cool. Wow, I just wrote 'gonna' twice. I'm so street.

I still haven't revealed what my job is and why I hate it so much. If I say now then it's out of the way and I don't have to mention it again. Unless I'm talking about how much I hate it. Here goes....I reconcile and balance milk litres for invoicing and payment. Phew. That's that over with. It's boring, everything about it is a pain in the ass, and I have too much work to do in the time they expect me to do it. When Buff's business becomes bigger than Coke I'm outta there.

There's nothing on tv tonight. There hasn't been anything on all week. We've watched Top Gear repeats every night, and though they're good, I'm starting to dream of Clarkson, and that can't be healthy.

Does anyone remember the little creature things that helped the Thundercats build stuff? The Yobil Yobils or something?!! I can't recall, but can't be arsed to look them up either.

This time last week I had broken up for Easter, I was so excited, and relaxed. I sat blogging eating pasta and cheese feeling really happy for the first time in ages. I wish it was happening this week :( Gosh, I'm very maudlin this evening, what's my issue? Need to listen to more KoRn obviously. Hey I found out today that Jonathan Davis is married to a porn star. Luckily she's only been in a couple of films so she's probably still quite clean. Though she's had his kid now so she's soiled.

Oh well.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Where's my cream?!

Today I am slightly frustrated because the order I placed with Dr Hauschka for Rose Day Cream still hasn't arrived!! Don't they understand my face needs to be rosey and creamy!!!! Cue grumpy Pandah >:0(

Today Ming and I ventured out to a mahoossive shop that sells everything. It took 3 attempts to find it because I am crap at directions, but we got there in the end. It was pretty exciting, we found McDonald's toys, I wanted to buy some to put on my desk, I may yet do so, but as Ming pointed out, you could buy an actual McDonald's for the same's a difficult decision.

Tomorrow, Buff and I are having lunch together, yay! We're going to look at carpets. He's seen a nice wool mix.

I like wool.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

A Grand Day Out

Easter is over. I feel sad about this, as I had an awesome weekend. I also got a Kinder Easter Set, it doesn't get any better.
Anyway, today was my first day back at work, so naturally I spent the morning planning a lunch-time escape. Ming and I took the IT Mystery Machine and sped to a nearby town I like to call 'Sloth Hell'. It was a freaky experience. We parked in a car park where, instead of filling in cracks and pot-holes with gravel or tarmac, the local 'authorities' had used tree trunks. Chopped down, chopped up, tree trunks! Many with branches still on! Very, very strange. They lay at all angles, we had to dodge them all the way in, and out!

So walking through the 'Village', was a surreal experience. I did half expect to see Patrick McGoohan, or at least a chavvy imitation. We had a brief spell in the bank, but because I was getting smacked on the ass (by the door, it was very busy and we were at the back of the queue) every time someone came in, we decided to vacate. We then went to Morrisons, which was actually quite exciting. Pies were tres cheap, cherry tomatos were skillfully arranged, but best of all there were various gadget type things hung from all the shelves. Amongst whistling straws and mini whisks I found a Can Strainer. Wow. You fix it over cans so you can drain them. For 49p. We do a lot of draining, so I had to buy it for Buff. He loved it. We got home tonight and drained everything. There is no moisture left in our house now. And it only cost 49p to achieve.

After Morrisons, we went to a local sandwich shop for local people. There were cans of Stella Artois hidden between cans of Coke in the fridge, and the door handle had spoons and forks hanging from it. Very avant garde. We bought sandwiches and sat in the Mystery Machine and ate them. Like a little special picnic. I tried the new peanut butter Kit-Kat, das ist gut.

Then, the party was over and I spent the afternoon at my desk, moping, and looking forward to watching Battlestar. When we finally did get home (and had drained everything) we ate sausages and chips.

I wish it was Friday. Or Saturday. Forever.

Sunday, April 16, 2006


Remember me? Yes, I have been missing for a couple of days. Only cos it's Easter weekend though, I'm not normally busy. Yesterday, Buff, myself, my sister and my niece decided to go out for the day. We went to a magical place called Tropical World. Cost us three squid each to get in (cue Tony Harrison voice, "It's an outrage!"), though as my niece is only eight months old, she got in free. Well it certainly was tropical, we were sweating buckets within two minutes of going in. The furry-hooded parker I had chosen to wear was clearly a mistake. Anyway, there was lots to see, birds, fish, butterflies, chavs, the whole spadoopa. Some of the fish really were MAHOOSSIVE!! I was secretly very scared of them coming to get me in my sleep. My niece (I like to call her Biz) was completely unphased all the way round until we got to the nocturnal section. The bat cave didn't go down well, perhaps it was the darkness, night-time is her favourite time to scream according to my sister. We had to try and get out as quickly as possible, not the easiest thing to do when it's pitch black and you have a pushchair. We came out in some kind of desert area where we saw meerkats which was pretty cool, though they did reek. Anyway, it was all very exciting and afterwards we went to get coffee from a nearby establishment.
When Buff and I got home, we slept, because we are lazy. Then we ate lots, because we are also greedy. The rest of the day was a bit of a blur but I seem to recall watching about four episodes of Grand Designs. Oh, and the new Dr Who, which was gay. And wrong. Very wrong.

Today, we went out for lunch with the 'rents and sister & co again. Was alright, though we were in a pub that dates back to 905A.D so it was pretty dark. Biz was on top form, and afterwards when we all went back to the folks' house, she showed us how bouncy her baby bouncer is. Bless. I can't wait to have my son Max (yes, after Macs). He's gonna be cool, and I'm going to dress him in Korn babygrows and stuff. He's going to rule. In fact, in my search for Korn babygrows tonight, I came across a phrase that I liked so much, I decided I should start a band. We're going to be called megaRARE. I saw it on eBay. Never heard that expression before, thought it was cool. Will have to enlist recruits, willing or otherwise. Then, Max can be a groupie, and we're our own babygrows. Though he'll have to wear Korn ones too, give him a bit of variation.

Now, I'm waiting for my oven chips to be ready. Finding Neverland is on. The other night, Buff and I watched 'The Village,' which, even though we knew the ending, was pretty good. So we've taken a chance on Neverland. Hmm, boring so far, may have to see if there are anymore Grand Design repeats on.....

All my IT buds have vanished. Arkwright's on holiday now, Ming is out there somewhere in the ether(net). At least Buff is still here. He will help me eat Camembert.

Mmm, Camembert....

Friday, April 14, 2006

The 'burbs

So today is Good Friday, and it was good. Buff and I did lots of Spring cleaning, washing, got outside a bit, then retreated indoors to eat more food than we could manage and then spend the afternoon sleeping it off. Whilst we were sleeping (well dozing really), Flash Gordon came on tv. Genius!!! Blessed was awesome, Ming was triumphant, Flash was ever so slightly gay. But it was still good to watch. Then Buff decided to play Star Wars on the 360 and I sat downstairs watching Early Doors Series 1 on the B&O. It's a good way to spend a day.

Caught sight of our new neighbours today. Funny thing about a bit of sun, brings all sorts of folk out of the woodwork. Don't know anything about them, except that he drives a Boxter convertible and she drives a Golf. But now I know that despite being young, he wears a flat cap to do gardening, and she is a dab hand with a pair of shears. Don't think I'll bother trying to befriend them. Can't really connect to a man who drives a woman's car and a woman who wields a weapon that well. Plus, as I was going up the drive the other day, I happened to notice a PC in one of their rooms. Not good.

Not sure what to do tomorrow. Have to buy a birthday card for my friend Larrie. Might get him some novelty chewing gum too. Hope it's sunny again. As long as the neighbours stay inside.


Thursday, April 13, 2006

Sitting on Patrick

This evening, I went to my parent's house to drop off Easter eggs and pick up a pork loin. The eggs went down well, the folks were most pleased, and I was fully satisfied with the pork loin, as Buff and myself are planning on having it tomorrow. I sat and chatted with them for a while, when suddenly my mother remembered that my sister had dropped off a present for me.
And what a present it was!! It's a Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants cushion!!!! Awesome! The 'rents clearly had no idea who or what Patrick might be, but I was very pleased and so sat on him for the remainder of my time with them, and on the way home in the car. Buff was also impressed, it's going to go in our Mac Suite (yeah that's right) and sit next to the talking Spongebob Squarepants that Buff bought me when we first started going out.

Today was a sad day for me, as my South African soul mate friend Caryn, left, and I actually shed a tear after she'd left. I shall see her again, but it was horrible to see her go, especially as she's the only other person in my department who knows who Chuck Norris is. So, in tribute to Caryn, here's a picture of the man himself:

Today was a productive day for aggravating Arkwright. I never actually saw him myself (well, I did briefly on the way into work but I mainly spoke to the Saint cos he was acting stroppy), but Ming was kind enough to report back on events. I had seen Ming around mid-morning when he came to drop a book off for me. He spotted a big box of elastic bands and asked if he could have a couple. As the box was pretty useless to me, being that said bands were the wrong size, I said he could have the whole thing. Ming and the dude he sits next to (I call him Ford, because he always seems to drive Fords, but in a good way, think of Ford Prefect for example) then decided to spend the day flicking the elastic bands at Arkwright, which didn't go down well! He was in a bad mood anyway, but this obviously didn't help. I think it was my fault he was in a bad mood, we had had a heated discussion the previous night about routers, LAN to LAN, VPNs, RFC1918s, all sorts. It didn't end well, I blame myself. I don't actually care though. He should buy a decent router instead of using second-hand rubbish.

So it's Easter this weekend, hooray!! I am currently trying to read a Check Point Security Administration manual but have had no time to do so. Now I have four days! I'll be an expert come Monday, and depending on my confidence, may even change my IM name to Diffie-Hellman!!!

Over and out.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Cheese & Pants

Tonight, Buff caught me eating a block of cheese straight out of its packet. I'm so ashamed. And yet, slightly proud of my actions. Unfortunately I put it down to eat my dinner, and forgot it was there. Buff then had to tell me to put it back in the fridge because I'd left it next to the radiator. I did, but hope he doesn't notice my teeth marks in it should he come to have some.

So anyway, I read the strangest letter in the back of the Radio Times today. It was one from a reader/viewer/listener, whatever, and I haven't the foggiest what he was on about. But it was so bizarre, I felt the need to re-publish it here:

"I wish to complain in the strongest terms. Count Arthur Strong's Radio Show (Radio 4) is far too funny for my own good. I'd come home from work early and so had time to make a nice bowl of soup. Count Arthur came on and I lost it en route from my kitchenette. Hot mulligatawny down your gusset is no laughing matter - the stains are indelible. I suggest that if Radio 4 sees fit to give this Count Arthur another airing then the announcer makes it clear the programme is seriously, nay dangerously, funny."
Timothy Brett, Sheffield

WTF?!!! For a start, if I came home from work early I think I'd have time to make something a bit more exciting than a bowl of soup! Surely that's the kind of thing you have when you haven't got all the time in the world. And what's all this gusset business?? Indelible stains?! Mental motherf*cker. Still, I suppose he is from Sheffield.

That was it really, I feel better for getting it off my chest. Actually, I was going to put a picture of a gusset on here to emphasise my disdain for Mr Brett, and in my search, I came across a particularly random website that needs to be seen to be believed....

I feel an affinity with this guy, and may have to wear my own underwear backwards tomorrow, just to see....

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

i Pandah, rule

How could I omit this particular snippet of info from my day's events!! Went back to my old work this evening, Buff still works there, but we needed an official document signing so I had to actually go in. It was sweet to see my old geeky buds, who I obviously still speak to over IM, but seeing them in person is so much better! Anyways, upon visiting the Developer section, my old haunt, I noticed a fabulous Mac G4 being used as a bag holder (no jokes PC users, if he'd had a PC he would have used that, not that it would have lasted as long, poor workmanship). It has been used once in four years apparently, so when I said, "Can I have it?" he said yes!! Result! Buff was very impressed, I'd only been there ten minutes!

I rule. But it's a secret.....I doubt Dogbert would approve....Shhhhhhhh....


I have an inkling that the film 'An American Haunting' might be worth a watch. Yet, something in me feels like that's a dirty thing to admit.

Plus, I also have an inkling that eating some cabbage right now would be a good thing. And that can't be right.

Escalator of death

Can't let today end without mentioning the escalator of death. Some dude from IT, not a member of the Crowd, was in a shopping centre today, and whilst going up said escalator, somehow managed to get his sleeve caught in the mechanism. A funny noise was followed by a sleeve being completely removed from his arm! He's lucky he didn't lose a limb. But he then had to go buy a new shirt, and as he walked round the centre, the good people of Britain were kind enough to keep shouting "You've ripped your shirt" at him. Oh how we laughed. At his expense of course.


Finally managed to make lunch with IT today. Discovered that it's Mexican day in the canteen on Thursday, exciting stuff. However, the menu is un-inspiring so I shan't be participating.

But back to IT. Discovered that Arkwright eats cereal dry. He has a glass of milk on the side to 'wash it down', but anything he doesn't use, goes back in the bottle. Sweet Jesus! Is there no low he won't drop to to save money!!!!! Another IT fellow, who I like to call, Harry Potter, because he looks like, Harry Potter, suggested that he waited til he got to work, because we work at a dairy (I will explain in more detail mid-week), and fresh milk from the machine is FREE! Arkwright laughed this off, but I'm pretty sure we're all expecting him to start getting in early so he can do just this. He and his lovely wife (also in the IT crowd, I will refer to her as Saint) are going on holiday for a week on Sunday. They're off to Germany, because Arkwright realised they could drive there (cheaper than flying apparently). Good plan, but they hadn't reckoned on Ming.......Ming, is the leading authority on all things car, and brought to Arkwright's attention, the fact that the lovely people at the Channel Tunnel, don't allow economical and cheap-to-run LPG vehicles in the tunnel, in case they explode!! Disaster! So they have had to hire one at the other end, ouch!! Unbelieveably, they (I'm saying 'they', it's more likely to be 'he') have found the same car in Germania! Not sure how much it's costing, he wouldn't say, and as Saint has had a few days off in preparation for the holiday, we couldn't get it off her. He'll have got it for a song though no doubt. Perhaps he'll barter, take them some free milk from the machine....I'd put nothing past him. I told him I'd apologized for calling him tight, but after the cereal thing, I told him I took it back. He laughed. Fool.

Good news. Battlestar Galactica is going to be shown on Sky 3. As we're getting rid of our Sky (because it's rubbish, and the + bit should actually be a - because it never works), this is good news! We are replacing it with Freeview, which, luckily, Sky 3 is on! Wahoo! I cannot live without BSG, I will NOT live without BSG, but at the same time, I recognise Sky has to go, so this is the best news I have had all week! Buff is also pleased, because he gets to buy a new gadget! He'd like a TiVo, but it's not going to happen. Instead, we're thinking of a Humax 9200T, BUT!! B&O are bringing something out soon so only time will tell....

Monday, April 10, 2006

X&Y (chromosomes) = WTF?!

When the Martin family (Chris and Gwyneth) gave birth to their first child 'Apple', I was filled with hope. To hear they were expecting another was potentially a Mac invasion in the making. However silly (in terms of names for a child), I expected Tiger, Panther, Nano, Shuffle, hell, even Toast would have done, but no. Ladies and gentleman I give you Moses.

Moses Martin. WTF?!

A nation of Mac users weep. Then again, nobody likes Coldplay anymore, and Gwyneth hasn't been in anything decent for years. Or ever.

I guess the flock of iMartins I was hoping for just wasn't meant to be.

Never mind, I shall create my own Mac Mini one day. After I've got Butters. Or iButters, as I may yet call him....

Buff's Billions

Buff's website launched yesterday, and today, the orders started rolling in. Wahoo! The link is on the right, visit or die! If it's successful, I could be well on my way to owning Butters the Chihuahah. And a MacBook Pro. And that binary watch from IWOOT. Yessssss.

Buff is planning on Cat 5e-ing the whole house with his share of the money. As well as adding to his B&O collection. We currently have a wickedace B&O tv, it's a Beovision Avant DVD. It rules, but there's still plenty of room for a Beocentre 2 with Beolab 8000 speakers. Oh, and one of their phones, the one that looks like the ones from The Prisoner. And a radio alarm clock. And the coffee pot to go with our mugs.

We also have to get arcade machines.

Right now though, I need tea.


The IT Crowd

So today I was so busy I didn't even get to have lunch. Not good. Especially as I was hoping to go with my bestest buddies from IT. I feel that the IT crowd should get a mention here, as if it wasn't for them, I'd probably be working somewhere else by now. Managed to speak to Ming the Merciless via the telephone at about 3ish. Obviously that's not his real name, but I have to give them aliases for two reasons:

1. So that even if anyone read this and thought they knew who I was talking about, they couldn't prove it.

2. Depending on the alias I choose, it gives them something else to do instead of all-night gaming or writing jokes in binary (both things I can often be found doing myself). Trust me, give a geek a label, and if they respect you, they'll try and live up to it, if only to emphasise how clever they are.

So, me and Ming. Had a discussion about Milky Joe from The Mighty Boosh. He has a cactus called Bob Fossil on his desk, I am hoping to have a coconut on mine, resembling Milky Joe. Noone else would get it, but he and I have an understanding. The other day, whilst discussing how you never see Unicorns driving small (or come to think of it, any) cars, a valid point was raised. If the Unicorn was to have an accident, would its horn burst the airbag? If so, what safety measure would you put in place for prospective Unicorn car drivers? I can't think of anything. Anyone who can will win a Blue Peter Badge. Providing they bid for it themselves on eBay, I'm not going to incur the wrath of Peter Duncan for any mofo.

Another IT chum of note, who I like to call Arkwright, on account of him being so tight, sent me the details of his outing yesterday to a National History type park. He actually sent me the info yesterday, but it was only today that I realised, for someone so tight, it would have made more sense for him to keep looking at the website. It shows you everything there is to see there, so not only do you NOT have to waste valuable LPG going there, you don't have to waste batteries on taking photos because they're all on there as well! He would disagree that he's tight though, so I should probably apologize in advance in case he reads this. :0o

So anyway, I'm hoping to lunch with the IT crowd tomorrow, and will be sure to report back on events. Will probably have an opportunity to slip in the names of the remaining IT chaps. And chapesses, of which there is one.

Is the suspense killing you?


Sunday, April 09, 2006


I forgot to mention. West Ham got beaten 4-1 by Chelsea today. Harsh. They were down to 10 men as well. We sucked.

I'm now going to go to bed and read Lenore comics to Buff. Then I'll put my iPod on and fall asleep to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Exciting stuff.

I had crumpets and tea for my dinner by the way.

The bad beginning....

So, this is my first encounter in to blogdom. I'm hoping it's going to be more successful than the many times I've tried to write a diary. I get bored too easily, that is my failing, but I have so much to moan about at the moment I'm thinking of it as a kind of therapy. I also have a lot to be happy about so I should probably talk about those things too.

At this present moment in time, I am suffering from what is commonly referred to as 'The Sunday Night Blues'. This is because I don't want to go to work tomorrow because I don't like it much and have a million things to do. Exactly what it is that I do, is not something I'm prepared to go into at the moment. I would need to do this mid-week when I am at that, 'my job is okay' stage. If I do it now I will probably cry.

As well as suffering from TSNB, I can't decide what to have for dinner. I want chips but we don't have any. Maybe I could have toast. My husband ( who I will refer to as 'Buff' because he is) is having a veggie burger in bread. Not a meat substitute veggie burger, I hate that cr@p, it's vegetables in breadcrumbs. I don't want one of these though. We ate too much for lunch, always a problem on a Sunday.

Will this get easier? It sounds kind of naff when I read it back.....hmmmmm......then again, maybe it's supposed to. If I was perfect and always said the right thing, I wouldn't need a blog in the first place.