Friday, January 26, 2007


Yay! The black is back! I can relax now, safe in the knowledge that I look like Amy Lee again, and not the ginger one from Girls Aloud. Phew.


Well I'm mid-way and I have to say, it certainly looks more black than orange. Promising. One downside, the stupid gloves they have provided are too small for my man hands, and the left one split as I was dying. At first, I thought the purpley black mark between my thumb and finger was the zombification process beginning. Then the penny dropped. It's not easy being this smart.

Farewell to the orange

I'm about to dye my hair. I hope it comes out brownish black. I can't take much more of this nutmeg head I've acquired. I look like a freakin orangutan.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

The Red Headed League

Last night, we went to see Rocky Balboa again. Man, I love that film. I love Rocky, I love fighting, I love Stallone! It was a very emotional experience, I shed a tear or two throughout, and was very tempted to give him a standing ovation at the end. I refrained, probably for the best. I suspect that kind of thing would be cool in America, but here, just plain shameful.

Today I had another fantastic vomiting episode at work. I was sent home and booked into the doctors. The doctor was quite possibly the most un-doctor-like doctor in the world. I got the impression he didn't give a shit, wasn't really listening, and was wondering who I was and what the hell I was doing there (then again, aren't all doctors like that?). Anyway, after many an comfortable silence, he furnished me with some drugs and sent me on my way. My sickness episodes are getting ridiculous now. I feel sick at some point EVERY day, especially at night when I should be sleeping. I still haven't heard back from the hospital about my operation, so I really don't know what's going on, and whether any of these symptoms I have are related in any way. I hope these new tablets do some good. I have to take them three times a day, which is, I feel, a little excessive. Then again, I'm sick about three times a day, so maybe there's method in that there madness.

I sat in bed most of the day watching my SH boxed set. Brilliant. I fell asleep a few times but that's to be expected. I can sleep anywhere, any time, so in bed whilst watching a DVD is unlikely to be out of the question. I have now got up to eat some food. Hefty is preparing a tasty classic dish of his, hopefully I'll have the appetite to eat it.

Oh, I dyed my hair again the other night. Trying to keep up with my roots is a battle and a half. Blonde hair sucks anyway, but when it's still ruining your hair after you've dyed it brown, it really pisses you off. Anyway, when I went to Boots, they didn't have the colour I usually use, so I went for the next one in the series. It was called 'Cappuccino Brown', I usually have 'Mocha Brown'. Well, my 'Cappuccino' is more like a Gingerbread Latte. It's frikkin RED all over!! What's that got to do with frothy coffee?!! I suspect it's cos of my rubbish blonde hair, but I am, never the less, NOT amused. So I went to buy another one yesterday, and they only had two dark brown ones on the shelf, the rest were blonde! Two of the brand I use I should point out. They had other brands, but I have become rather fond of Garnier Nutrisse. So, not really knowing about these things but refusing to go back to my hairdresser ripping-off days, I bought another brand, with the rather less exciting, un-coffee-like title of 'Natural Dark Brown.' Meh, sounds good to me, less poncey at any rate. I've gone for a darker one than usual because I need to counteract the red. I thought about just getting black, but Hefty is concerned that, despite my claims of being a Demi Goth, I'm actully turning into a proper Goth. I thought my coming home with a black dye might confirm his worst fears, so I'm crossing my fingers that L'Oreal Excellence Cream is dark enough to do the trick. Will keep you posted.

We're going to SuperSaz's on Saturday night, for food and entertainment. Looking forward to a change of scenery. As much as I love my house, I feel like I haven't left it for ages cos of my stupid sickness bouts. I'm certainly too familiar with the characteristics in the bathroom. This kind of knowledge only comes when you spend 85% of your time sat looking into/across/around a lavatory bowl. Thank heavens for the Alessi toilet brush we bought a couple of years ago. It looks like a plant, and provides a good focal point for me inbetween hurls.

Right, dinner is served. G'bye.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

And now for something completely different

This, is Teddy Potter. Teddy Potter is 30 years old and has been eaten slightly by meeces. Despite this, he is still smiling, and is a reminder to us all that however bad we think stuff is, it probably isn't. Even if the mice get us now and then, we've still got smiles and a nice scarf. Thus, every time I feel I need reminding of this fact, I'm going to post a picture of TP and think myself lucky. Thank you Teddy Potter, you are an inspiration to us all.

'Teddy Potter Time' in association with iPandah Productions of Life.


Thought I should do some blogging, especially as I have a blog, otherwise there probably aint no point.

Hello! Last week was tres eventful, hence my slacking. A highlight included buying 'Sherlock Holmes: The Complete Collection' for only £42.99 from HMV, when its RRP is £119.99. They've put the price back up to that now, but I don't care cos I've already got it! It's the Jeremy Brett version, for anyone who cares, and will look very pretty next to my Basil rathbone Complete Sherlock Holmes Collection. I should point out that I have a Sherlock Holmes obsession, and have multiple copies of the same books with different covers. It's a compulsion, like in 'Conspiracy Theory' where Mel Gibson has to buy a copy of 'Catcher In The Rye' if he sees one. I'm clearly weird, but I don't care, it's a healthy obsession when you can get a 16 disc DVD boxed set for 80 squids less than you should have. I also bought Evil Dead 2 for £3.99, another bargain I feel.

I was sent on an Excel course on Thursday and Friday, simply because the girl who should have gone on it, is off sick after going to India for two weeks over Christmas. She has three different infections and parasites in her stomach. Nice. So anyway, I was sent instead cos otherwise we'd get charged £200 for nothing. Imagine the cheek of charging that for an Excel course anyway, especially the one I was on as it turned out. Alas, my colleague has a very basic grasp of Excel, so I was on a complete beginners course. I had hoped to learn something, obviously not being a fan of Microsoft products, my knowledge of them is also limited, but as I also use it every day, teaching me anything was not going to happen. I already know how to insert cells, cut, copy and paste, and use autosum. Sigh. So I spent two days bored shitless. One advantage was that as it was in the city and ran from 9.30am to 4.00pm, I parked at Hefty's office, and we walked in and sat in Pret a Manger for an hour having breakfast both days. Finishing earlier than work is also a bonus, and I perused l'internet all day whilst he taught the chimps from the dairy over the road how to do their jobs. As they make my life miserable by knowing NOTHING, I hope some of it sank in. They didn't speak to me as they knew I was a Head Office bod, but meh, I didn't care, didn't particularly want to fraternise with those punks anyway.

So that was that. On Saturday, I met my sister and the Biz for some shopping. I got home later than planned and fell asleep watching one of my many SH DVDs. I woke up wondering what was going on, then we ate food and watch Evil Dead 2. On Sunday we had to go out with my Grandpa and his wife. It was okay, but we had to choose off a set menu, and I clearly picked the wrong thing. Also, my sis and co were supposed to come, but the Biz has chicken pox!! It's not going down well, she's spotty and irritable and has taken to growling like a dinosaur. She's in quarantine too so both her and my sis are bored with being house-bound!!!

So it seems to have been a busy old time, and I've been too tired to do any blogging, which isn't really an excuse but it's the one I'm using.

I do have a couple of things I'd like to comment on. I'm leaving out the BRASHness, as I fear my new-found aggression has scared people off reading this!! So I'm now going to call this section, 'Things that really are quite beastly, do you have any Pimms?' Or something.


Jade - Please PLEASE can this be the last we hear of her. I'm not amused by her lack of intelligence or class, and frankly her face offends me.

Dorset - What is wrong with these people? Have they really nothing better to do than travel 100 miles to pick nappies up off a beach? And do they not realise that posing for photos is stoopid? We now know who you all are you fools!! And will avoid you in case you try to steal our belongings because you think they're entitled to them. I don't care if you have a form, get off my car.

The government - I've had enough of you for too many reasons to list now. I'm emigrating somewhere else. To a country where you don't get the most out of it by being a sponger. To a country where the 40% tax Hefty gets taken off him, might actually go to benefit us rather than lazy chavs. Puh. You're a bunch 'o bastards, I'm feckin' off.

So that's me, though I'm about to post something else. But that's it for this bit.

Ciao for now :0)


Sunday, January 14, 2007


See, I was even too lazy to finish yesterday's blog. It's clearly the way I mean to go on for the rest of 2007. To be honest, dinner was super, but then I was dying of thirst, and we had NOTHING to drink AT ALL, save for humble tap water, so we had to walk to the shop and stock up on juices. After that, we watched Army Of Darkness again, deciding that it would look much better on the B&O than it did on the TV upstairs where we watched it the other night. It did, but then we went to bed, and as I drifted off I thought, shit, I never finished my blog. So here I am you swines, take it or leave it.

I watched Rocky Balboa today, which was a triumph, and inspired me to dig out my anthology. We were going to watch Rocky 4 tonight, but time has run away with us and we're opting for Terminator 3 instead. I am just consuming a vanilla latte and chip sandwich, I must be the only person I know not on a diet. Except for Ming, I don't reckon he will be either, very sensible.

Here are today's BRASH STATEMENTS:

- YES! Clearly sacking Alan Pardew was a GREAT decision because look at us now! Chelsea had better WATCH out, we'll be taking over the WORLD at this rate!!!!

- NO! Eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast and lunch over two weeks is NOT going to make you thin! More importantly, it means LESS to NO MILK for the rest of us in work who know full well it won't work! It's an advertising ploy to make you buy more cereal you FRIKKIN MORONS!

- Somebody PLEASE SILENCE the annoying kid on that Glade advert. SHUT the FRACK UP KID! What do you care if the air freshener has all gone, until recently you were shitting in your own pants anyway! And let's face it, if you were smart enough to take a notepad and pen in there with you (WTF?!) surely you'd have noticed it had run out!

So I guess the iP of 2007 is angry and lazy. I'm not sure if I should be worried or proud. Hmm.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Lazy TV

I have taken my laziness to new heights recently, adapting my skill to television. I have begun to a new method with certain programmes whereby I only tune in for the last ten minutes. With shows like Ten Years Younger, Property Ladder and You Are What Youo Eat, this works wonders, as I see the before and afters, without having to sit through the participants' struggles. With Celebrity Big Brother (not a programme I usually watch at all, but I was off ill when it began and there was nothing else on at the time), I simply watch Russell Brand's Big Mouth Show. I figure, anything Russell finds to be of interest, is likely to be the same thing I would find to be of interest, so I don't need to sit through all of that "It's 10.38 in the Big Brother house, and Jermaine is polishing his face." This also works with the news, as they very kindly provide summaries, though I can also use t'internet for that, so even less effort is involved. I don't watch a great deal of TV in the first place, as there aint really much on I'm in to. But it pleases me that if there is something on I might consider, I only have to spend a few minutes of my time watching it. I'm looking to apply this skill to other areas of my life, but as of yet, nothing has come up that seems appropriate. Tsk. I shall persevere.

So Night At The Museum was pretty good. The all star cast meant that I hardly noticed Stiller, so he didn't offend me too much. The child in it was both weird (in looks and manner) and annoying, but everyone else (even the highly irritating Robin Williams) was marvellous. Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan triumphed in their roles, and Dick Van Dyke was his usual brilliant self. It's definitely worth seeing. Next on our list is Apocalypto, and some other stuff but I can't remember.

Ooh, my dinner is ready, I shall return shortly and finish off my posting.

I know I can save as draft, but I'm too lazy. Meh.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Three Fs

Tonight we are going to see A Night At The Museum. I must point out that I HATE HATE HATE Ben Stiller, but Dick Van Dyke's in it, and I like the premise, so we're going to give it a go. Always a good idea to give films a go on Orange Wednesday. Then, if the film's shit, you've only paid £3.00 each instead of £7.00 which is extortionate.

Today I was criminally busy so I'll probably fall asleep at the cinema, but I'm going to try not to. Hefty has been off today so he's somewhat refreshed. I'm hoping the spaghetti and meatballs he's prepared for dinner will wake me up. Hmm.

So that's my day. Fatigue, food and films, a potentially winning combination.

Monday, January 08, 2007


Okay, so I'm getting there. Still feel pretty shit but I normally do so I'm guessing that means I'm back to normal. I've spent 5 days in bed, and just slept really, inbetween watching Aeon Flux (again), Russell Brand Live, V for Vendetta, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace (again) and Mighty Boosh 1 & 2. I never got round to Futurama, maybe next time. Perhaps when I have my operation thing, whenever that's going to be. I have decided that I want Aeon Flux hair now. Blue/black in a funky short bob. It'll look pants though so I'm going to stick with my demi-goth look for now.

I have decided to make BRASH STATEMENTS as part of my NY resolutions thingy. So here are today's BRASH STATEMENTS.

- I HATE Alan Curbishley. I DEMAND you bring back Alan Pardew you SWINES!

- George Bush needs DESTROYING. Perhaps fire him into SPACE, with Tony Blair strapped to his ARSE where he belongs.

- January is SHIT. Let's skip it and get straight to April. Or, just make January to the end of March a national holiday. DO IT!

I'm not sure how brash these statements are, but it was the first phrase that came to mind so it'll have to do.

Today I got a free 500g tub of Lurpak. WOOT. Tomorrow, free Cravendale. Let the cows try and take it back, I'll kick their uddery asses to kingdom come.

Blimey. I have developed an angry streak. I'm off to watch Army of Darkness before I kill anyone.

Friday, January 05, 2007


Ill, been off ill since Wednesday, feel horrid, must sleep. Am dizzy and sick, it's horrid, and this is hurting my eyes and making my headache worse. Must sleep.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year

It's been a strange week. Was supposed to go back to work on Wednesday afternoon as I had a hospital appointment in the morning. As I managed to faint before I'd even got in to see the specialist, I had to have loads of tests and stuff, the end result being my getting out so late, it wasn't worth going back to work. I have to have an operation some time in the next six months (good old NHS) which will involve my stomach being cut open, gas being blown in, people with cameras, and one, or maybe two, weeks off work. I am planning on purchasing the complete set of Open All Hours, as the three days immediately afterwards, I will be confined to my bed. So that's that.

Work was a complete waste of time. Pointless. Frustratingly so. Phuh.

Hefty's family descended upon us on Saturday for the weekend. The clan consists of his parents and two brothers. The house was certainly full! Good job we have four bedrooms and three floors ey! It was fun, but hard work, and when it came to yesterday evening when we were finally on our own, we were knackered. Didn't really want to stay up for NY stuff. Hate it anyway, who wants to celebrate January? It means a whole nother year til my birthday and Christmas, which is just shit frankly. Anyways, we had agreed to go over to our neighbours, for a take-away and quiet evening in. This was precisely what we got, and was great! We were all flagging by about 11pm, but forced ourselves to stay up. That bloody Kaplinski woman is on every goddam programme ever, and I'm sick of her. Her presence on the NY countdown show was, like every other thing she's on, pointless. And she looked awful, which makes it worse.

Today, we did NOTHING. The first day of rest we've had since Christmas began!! And we needed it. We got up late, ate pancakes, watched Supergirl, Garth Marenghi with commentary, and ate some more stuff. Tonight we're going to watch Serenity, which may inspire me to watch the series of Firefly again. I wish I had the rest of the week off to spend my days like this. It rules. Strangely, I feel less depressed today than I did on Boxing Day though, which is all very odd. I do think we should have a Boxing Day for NY too though, like they get in Scotland. Especially as tomorrow is Sherlock Holmes day on ITV3. It's not fair! Why wasn't it today!! Grrr.

Anyway, so that's stuff and things. Happy New Year folks, let's hope it's as interesting and varied as the last one.