Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Ill and Illerer

Illerer may not be a real word, but when Ls and Is look the same on a computer, it makes for a good optical illusion. Albeit a boring one. Anyhoo, I am poorly AGAIN! This time, I have my boss to thank for the lurgey. Living opposite her and working with her clearly has more cons than pros. This time it's a cold, and though it hasn't yet properly developed and I am trying to Benylin it away, I still feel shite. So I'm going to go to bed and fall asleep to the mindless rubbish they put on these days. Hefty made bangers and mash for dinner - fantabulous, but I'm still trying to eat it, cos even though I'm full and fullerer, I can't bear to see potato go to waste. If it kills me I'll finish it. He is doing some website work, preparing for winter - a good time for muscular supplements consumption. So I'm on me tod on the top floor, whilst he Photoshops away on floor G. Tomorrow we're going to see 'A Scanner Darkly', or 'Lady in the Water.' Thank Heaven's for Orange Wednesdays!! Then if it's crap, you've only really paid 3 punds each, which aint so bad. West Ham lost at the weekend. Useless, but it was Liverpool, our nemesis'ssss or whatever. One day, one fine day.....Anyway, I'm not going to rant, I'm off to bed. I'd love a cup of tea to take with me, but I can't be arsed to make it. Being ill sucks. Not that I can usually be bothered when I'm well.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Lego Ford

This is what Ford would look like if he were made out of Lego. Sort of. If you only had a limited number of Lego bits to play with.

Saturday, August 26, 2006


Apologies for this being so late to arrive. I did it when I did the others but I had attempted to put a picture of Ford on here (made out of Lego that is), but Blogger was having none of it, so I'll have to convert the file and put it on when I do the other pics. Anyways, Thursday was Ford's last day. Ming and I bought him some gifts that looked good in the shop, but when we gave them to him looked a bit crappy. He's leaving to become a maths teacher, so we got him a 'My First Book of Numbers' and a plastic apple for his desk. He seemed pleased enough. Well at least he can think of us when he's sat at his desk I suppose. Later on, we all went out for a meal to a fancy Italian restaurant that looked slightly 70s, but in a good way. Ming and I arrived first, not sure how, we left after everybody else and went the wrong way, so were completely late. But we sat in exotic leather armchairs sipping Coke and J20s whilst we waited for the rest of IT to arrive. When they all turned up, we sat down and ate. The food was pretty good, I ate Thai Fishcakes (a popular Italian dish), Steak with Parma Ham and Dolcelatte cheese, and this caramel pudding thing, which was pretty good, but came with a dubious sauce. Arkwright asked if he could finish my sauce off so i let him. He hadn't seen me sneeze on it (by accident), but everyone else did, and he seemed to think they were laughing because he was eating left-overs. Oh well, ignorance is bliss ey. Then we vacated the place and headed to a funky bar full of leather sofas and games. The numbers slowly dwindled, and in the end it was just me, Ming and Ford, which is how it should be really. I couldn't tell you what we talked about all evening, but we had a super time. Then we left, which was very sad, and I didn't know what to say or do, which was all a bit awkward. I couldn't walk too well at that point either, as my shoes were killing me, so I looked drunk. We said our goodbyes and hobbled away back to the car park. I have to change shoes to drive, possibly because my feet are huge, who knows, but I couldn't get my trainers on cos my feet were all swollen. I forced them on, and got home at about half one. I was pretty tired the next day, believe me. And I felt strange. And still do.


Motherfuckin' Snakes

Aw man, SOAP, as it is now being referred to, is AWESOME!! It's a long time since I have been THAT entertained by a film!!! It's on a completely different level and it rocks!! Think Evil Dead on a plane, with Samuel L, and some snakes. What's not to love!!!!! You have to go and see it people, for the snake attacks alone, they are a stroke of genius. It's a bit hard to describe without giving anything away, but suffice to say, it's tremendous in a ridiculous and naff way. Plus, you get to shout "SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!" every time you refer to it. Well, that's what I do.


It was all a bit of a rush, but I finally finished Jeremy off. I have pictures, and PROMISE to put them on here this weekend. Ford pointed out that I always say I'm going to put pictures up and never do, and he's right. It's mainly cos we haven't really sorted out the study properly yet, so I tend to blog on my iBook in the lounge, but I am going to make a valiant effort to put up pictures of Original Rod Hull Day, the Pandah footstool, and Jeremy. And whatever I else I should have put up there. Oh, perhaps stuff from Chester Zoo. Anyway though, Jeremy is completed, and I managed to get him into work and present him to Ford (who returned to work for a couple of hours). He seemed very impressed, though he couldn't take it home with him because he had to get the train back to some obscure town in Lincolnshire (?), and it was a bit too big. BUT, he took photos, and we decided to give him to my friend's son Dazzle, who loves Dinosaurs. So all was well, except that for the rest of the day, I had the theme tune from 'Denver the Last Dinosaur' in my head - tres annoying. Mentioning it again has reactivated the memory too, so now I'm hearing it all over again. Joy.


I have been soooooo busy of late, that rather than write one mahoossive piece, I'm going to split my adventures into sub-sections. So here we go.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


Last night, I dreamt that somebody tattooed the face of Nigel Havers on my inner left thigh. This is without Nytol. Why.
On the plus side, tonight we see SNAKES ON A PLANE!! Hopefully this will give me action-packed dreams of adventure and intrigue. Instead of Nigel. Havers?!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


Tonight, painting began on the dinosaur. Unfortunately, I have now run out of green paint, as I think I used most of it when I made Peroni, so tomorrow I'll have to get more. Time is tight, as I'll have to come home, paint him, go to see SNAKES ON A PLANE! then come home and fix his teeth, tongue and arms on. Oh the pressure, Ford had better be impressed, this has been my most detailed project to date, on the tightest deadline. He looks good though. Kind of like that dinosaur in Toy Story. I've called him Jeremy, as I made his hands out of pipe-cleaners, and one is slightly bigger than the other. By calling him this though, I feel obliged to tie a neck-kerchief round his neck (funnily enough), and perhaps give him a small teddy bear named Aloysius, a la Brideshead Revisited. Alas, I don't have that kind of time......
Ford's leaving bash is on Thursday night, and we are now going to a really NOISY Italian restaurant, which is in/on/under some arches. Dark ones. Or something. Should be interesting, Arkwright is going (remember him? He threw a massive hissy fit after I blogged him in April, and fell out with me. So I apologised and we kind of made up, but then I managed to upset him over something else, so it's pretty much just pleasantries currently. He doesn't read this though so no harm mentioning him now I reckon!!), so yes Arkwright will be going, and I'm keen to see if he'll just order a starter and make it last the whole evening. Then make his wife pay for it. At least she's going, she can stop any more arguments should they occur. I'll be sat next to Ming, but who else I don't yet know. I'd like to think inbetween Ming and Ford, my safety zone, but no doubt I'll get sat next to Arkwright, or the other weirdo in IT that nobody likes. We'll see. Should be good. I hope. Please.
I can't post pictures on here at the moment, possibly because we're STILL on dial-up!! I'm not sure what's worse; having no internet or being on dial-up. Ironically, the ISP we're using is the one Hefty works for, and they still can't get it right. Messed something up on our order because were previously on a trial-period of 20Mb or something ridiculous, and they thought we were just 'not doing that anymore' so they didn't move it over. I can't take much more, it's making blogging a chore. I keep posting duplicate comments on other peoples' blogs, and as I say, images are a no go. Boo, I wanted to put a pic of Jeremy up. Let's hope we get broadband back soon. It'll probably be at about 2Mb or something, which is crap if you're used to 20 (I actually think it was 12Mb, but 20 sounds better).
Anyway, I'm going to go to bed, as I have now been listening to BBC7 for about 5 hours, and have started talking like I'm in a play. Not good. Dear friends. Nay.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Carbine Rifle

Blimey Charlie, didn't realise how long it was since I last blogged! I must have been busy. Ummmm....well, at the weekend I went to see my parents' new house, which was very exciting. Mostly it was exciting because whilst I was there, they gave me a corned beef and cheese sandwich. And some pomegranate juice. Then I went to see my sister who gave me freshly baked cake. It was all good. My sister makes everything from scratch, as she's fearful of the effects processed foods might have on herself, husband, and of course, Biz. Oh, and the dogs. So she makes EVERYTHING, and let me tell you, it tastes GOOD :0)
Biz was on top form, now that she's kind of speaking and tottering around, she's tres entertaining. She went straight for my cake when I sat down so I had to beat her slightly, but she recovered well. As I was uber ill and missed her party, I was dropping her presents off (better late than never!), and she seemed to like them. I'd got some maracas, a musically farmy noisy pressy shapey thing, and some books. Naturally, the wrapping paper was more interesting than any of these items, though she warmed to the maracas, and decided that pressing the cat button repeatedly was also fun (I guess she doesn't get to hear enough miaows at the moment). Then I went back home, got ready, and went out for dinner with my friend/boss/neighbour L. Hefty went also, as did B, L's chap, and Dazzle, their son, who is cool, and loves Hefty. The food was good, the service was bad, but we managed to make it out in time to see Cars, which was alright. At first I thought it was strange and didn't know where it was going, then it was kinda gay in the middle I mean, car romance? What's the point? It's not like they can shag. Then it redeemed itself at the end with some pretty good Pixar spoofy things which I can't really explain, you'd just have to see them. So I didn't mind it, certainly in comparison to the Incredibles, which I was bored by, and Finding Nemo which depressed me. I'm still liking Toy Story the best out of that lot. Monsters Inc would have been better without the kid.
So that's that. This week though will be fan dabby dozy, as we're off to see SNAKES ON A PLANE! I can't wait!! Samuel L on a plane, with snakes!! What could be better than that!!! Except for maybe the Carbine Rifle that I bought today for 2 squid from our local massive shop that sells everything. Local to work that is; Ming and I like to go there sometimes and buy cool stuff. We'd gone for craft materials for Ford's dinosaur, but discovered these wickedace rifles that make the best sound ever!! Hefty was well impressed when I went to pick him up, and he shot at people all the way home. Targeting chavs is our new hobby, it really is good for the soul to pretend you've shot one. The only problem is, as we only have one, there's more fighting about whose go it is than there is actual shooting, so I'm going to have to get another so we can chase each other round the house. It's a good house for a shoot-out, lots of banisters and doorways. Anyhoo, gotta go, got a dinosoar to finish building.

Over and out.

PS. I had a radical pic of Samuel and a snake to put on here, but Blogger isn't playing tonight so it'll have to wait til I've seen the ruddy film.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Blonde is bad

Aw man, I really want to die my hair black, or at the very least, dark brown, but as I'm naturally blonde (and light blonde at that, I could never get away with calling myself a brunette), I'm pretty much screwed. I've been researching the concept on t'internet, and apparently, it'll either go grey, or it will take but then fade to grey, and when my roots come through I'll look like I'm also going grey from the inside. What's the point!! I recently went a sort of brownish colour, light, but still brownish, and I thought it looked kinda cool. But, it faded back to blonde within about two weeks. Why can't they invent a pill so you can grow your hair colour of choice? That would be so cool. How is it they can clone sheep and vital organs, but they can't make hair. Scientific cretins. Do something useful, I don't NEED two sheep that look the same, or a mouse with an ear on its back (can it hear out of that by the way?), but I do need to look more rocky and less Page 3-y.

On a lighter note, Ming is trying to give me a new friend at work. I call him Mr Miaow, as it sort of sounds like his real name, and sort of makes him sound like some kind of crazed assassin, which he may well be. Ming is trying to teach him about building animals and general sheer madness. Oh, and he also gave him this kids book about a super hero cow to read, as he thought it might persuade him to befriend me. It's my book, but it's the kind of thing I lend to people who are already my friends. It's prolly not a good way to get him on board. Then again, there is a distinct possibility that he is even loopier than us, so who knows.

Well, I need to brush my hair now, as it's wet, and too curly for words. It needs drying and ironing.

Ciao for now.

Curly blonde iP

PS. Did you know, having curly blonde hair makes you more suceptible to Bronchitis? According to Ming anyway.

Tasting the Rainbow again

There is one good thing about Ford's absence, there are now plenty of Skittles in the building. However, today, whereas I usually filter out all the purple ones cos they taste like Tunes or something, one slipped through the net and I ate it. Gross! I'm considering building a collection of them and sending them back to their manufacturers, with a note saying 'Sort these out, they taste shite.' Not sure what good it would do, but my friend Jaffa (real name) had a penchant for Jaffa cakes, and he once got some defective ones. So I sent them back with a letter (pretending to be him) that was all about how he loved Jaffa Cakes because they had the same name and stuff, and they sent back money off vouchers. We were hoping for a case of 250 or something, but I suppose it was better than nothing.

Went to see Pirates 2 last night. No where near as phenomenal as Superman, but it was pretty good. We're off to see Cars on Saturday night, against Ford's advice, so I'll let you know my views on the matter.

The antibiotics for my Bronchitis are making me ridiculously hungry, so at the moment, all I can do is eat or I feel really sick. It's a pain in the ass, I'll be like a house at this rate!

Need materials for the dinosaur, it's not going well, we don't have much, I'll have to procure some more bulky materials. Oh the pressure.

Is it home-time yet?

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Return of the Oddie

Well, not content with producing his own milk, it would seem that Bill Oddie and his chums are back!! Return of the Goodies is currently showing on BBC2. From what I can guage though, it's not a new series, it's a programme about them, which is slightly disappointing. Course, I'm not that disappointed, or I wouldn't be listening to Lacuna Coil's 'Coma Lies' and blogging at the same time, but I thought it was worth a mention. I'm not sure why. I must be one of the only people who thought the original show was amusing. I've only seen repeats I hasten to add, I'm not old enough to have watched it the first time round!! Anyhoo, I have developed a new found interest in Bill Oddie (along with Rod Hull of course), so I feel the need to refer to him now and then.
Moving on, today I relented and dragged myself to the doctors. Living in a small village is great, cos I was the only person in the waiting room, and when I went into the pharmacy afterwards (which is only small) there were seven members of staff and me. You get bloody good service!! Anyway, apparently I have Bronchitis, which produced gasps from my mother and sister when I broke it to them later, but is actually quite common. So I'm on antibiotics, which is all very exciting, as I have to take them four times a day. That's quite a commitment for an 'anti' person like me. The last thing I committed to was marriage, so this may take some getting used to. If it means I can breathe though I suppose it's worth it!!! I'm hoping they'll eradicate my mother of all ulcers too, as it's starting to really piss me off. I shall have to give it a name soon, it could be a repeat of 'How to Get Ahead in Advertising.' I'm getting sick of being off though, it's boring. There's only so much 'Cash in the Attic' and '60 Minute Makeover' I can take. There was a Powerbook on the latter programme today though, so it was worth it for that alone. 'Diagnosis Murder' is always good, and today's was no exception, but nevertheless, I need human contact. I have to regularly empty the random contents of my head to a willing (or unwilling) audience, or it sends me mental.
Speaking of which, the Goodies are now singing 'Do the Funky Gibbon.' Cool.
So that's me for today, not a great deal to report. I'm off to do a bit more coughing.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Gone but not forgotten

Today has not been great, I got into work, still feeling ill, to discover that Ford is now on garden leave until his official last day. Ming and I are feeling a little lost without him, though obviously Ming would never admit to that, but as I'm saying it that's okay because as a woman, I'm allowed to be emotional about it. Anyway, he's gone, so we won't see him again until his leaving bash on the 24th. He was in the process of collecting materials to build a dinosaur, so I am going to build a wickedace one to give him as a leaving present. It's very odd though. When you're used to speaking to someone all day, and then suddenly they're gone, it's really kind of depressing. Though I'm sure he's more than happy to get paid for being at home!! Oh well, at least we still get to say goodbye in a couple of weeks.


Sunday, August 13, 2006

Happy Birthday Rod!

Today dear readers, is Rod Hull's birthday! Or at least it would have been, if he hadn't been so cruelly taken from us all those years ago. He would have been 71, a fine age, and an age that still seems too young had he died this year. Anyway, I would like to congratulate Rod, who we can only hope, is up there celebrating in the great Pink Windmill in the sky.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Hidden talents

Today I made the foolish decision to go back to work. I wasn't well, I felt worse, now I'm back to square one. And all because I couldn't resist a pink french fancy and chocolate-free Hob-Nobs. I'd like to say they were worth it, but I still have bits of Hob-Nob stuck in my teeth that are refusing to shift, and I decided to thank Ford for the pinky goodness by emailing him in French. It basically said, "Thank you very much for the french fancy, it was delicious and very pink. You are very generous Mr Ford. Your grateful friend, iPandah." Le mistake grande. He hasn't spoken to me since :0( That'll teach me to be clever. Luckily, Ming IS still speaking to me, not that he has any reason not to, and we spent the rest of the afternoon marvelling over the lovely Debbie McGee's Models website. Yes, THAT Debbie McGee. She has models. It's quite possibly the most random selection of people ever, and they're all doing 'Shazam' style poses. I'd give you the link, but for some reason, all the links I've tried to add recently don't work due to some Blogger server problem. Boo. Anyway, just Google 'Debbie McGee's Models' and I'm sure you'll come up trumps.
Later on in the afternoon, my big boss Mr H came to have a chat with us little people. We discussed the recent departure of the Milk-Powder and Ingredients Manager (she basically never came back after the last pay day - not a word to anyone), and how not only was she rubbish at her job, but nobody liked her anyway because she was an over-bearing, opinionated loud-mouth who swore too much and probably breathed flames when no-one was looking. He then wanted to discuss the triumph that was, Original Rod Hull Day. He thought it was marvellous that something so simple had brought so many people together, and declared that I clearly had 'hidden talents' that needed to be 'exploited further.' Indeed Mr H. Sod HR and their 'Team-Building' excercises. Forcing folk to congregate into groups of people they'd never normally fraternize with, so they can make mobile-phone holders out of plastic cups and pipe cleaners is NOT the way to go. You need to pick something ridiculous that everyone can relate to. Like Rod Hull. Everyone wears a bit of pink, we all eat pink food, Bob's your uncle Fanny's your aunt. It's not rocket science. So, upon hearing the news that I am basically a mofo-genius, I decided to test his reaction to the next theme day I have in mind, Rainbow Day. We get to wear a plethora of different colours, consume a much wider variety of E numbers, and all in the name of Zippy, George and Bungle. He LOVED it. Therefore, my plans for said event can be much bolder, now that I have the support of upper management.
Y'know, I could probably market this shit to companies everywhere and make a fortune. If I could be bothered. Which I can't. Yet. Maybe one day. If there's enough Hob-Nobs in it.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The plague and being Supergirl

Well, I have convinced myself I have the plague. My throat kills, I'm now sneezing, my ears have gone funny and my right eye is unusually and continuously wet. I keep having funny outbreaks of rashdom, it's all a bit dubious. Not sure what the symptoms of the plague are, but I'm pretty sure they involve sneezing and rashes.
Anyhoo, I have been in bed all morning, apart from when I went to make myself a cup of tea, which turned out to be the best cup of tea I have ever made for myself. I have watched Batman Begins for the 8th time, and snoozed a bit. I have also decided that when I have my son (in a couple of years), his middle name will be 'DC', in tribute to the fine creators of Superman and Batman. His first name will be Max, as a tribute to 'Macs' of course, so all in all, he's going to be a pretty cool dudester. Hefty has agreed to my idea, so that's one less thing to think about when we do eventually decide to produce the little guy.
I might go and make another fine cup of tea, I'm concerned about getting bed sores from all this lounging around. Interestingly enough though, I have discovered that Supergirl (the original comic one) and I are clones, except that I am yet to get the outfit. I found the doll on play.com and was taken aback by the startling resemblance (see picture at top - obviously). I'm going to have to order her, as I'm truly excited about this coincidence. I might write to DC and ask them if they'd like a real-life Supergirl for promotional appearences and stuff. Then they might make a film! A good one! Wow, this is tremendous news for me, I might have finally found something I want to do!

Where's me pen? I've got a letter to write.....

Wednesday, August 09, 2006


Well, after the success of Original Rod Hull Day, and a busy weekend, I have succumbed to some kind of horrible virus. I say virus, it might not be, but I'm using that word cos it sounds better. I have an uber sore throat, my whole mouth is covered in red! My throat, tonsils, and clacker thing, all red. I went to work, despite having no voice, but had to give up and go home. I have been in bed ever since, consuming white Magnums (I'm allergic to chocolate, except white), Strepsils, and a cheese sammich. I'm now hankering for a cup of tea, but Diagnosis Murder is on and it's addictive. I've just been informed by Ming that Ford bought Fondant Fancies today. If only I'd hung on, one of those would have greatly complimented my cup of tea. But, I haven't much of an appetite, I'm just trying to clear my throat by moving food traffic through it. Plus, Ming doesn't reckon Ford would have given me one anyway, but I'm sure he would have. Not everyone is as tight with their goodies as Ming.

It was Biz's birthday yesterday, her 1st birthday! Very exciting!! Though it's her party on Saturday, and I'm worried I'll not be recovered enough to go :0( I hope I am, but I can't go to a baby party with a virus!!!

Oh well, time for a nap I guess, it all helps.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Original Rod Hull Day Part 3

Well, what a day. I can't believe it's over, the build-up was so intense. I can safely say it was a huge success!!! By around 3pm the whole of our building was aware of the celebration, and there's about 350 people altogether!! All the people who'd worn pink anyway (they didn't know cos they don't work on this floor), stopped by to join in the proceedings, and were rather glad to be part of all the fun!

Even though we all feel really sick, and it's possible I have no enamel left on my teeth, not to mention my pink face, possible rash (on my left cheek), and bastard headache, it really was worth it.

Bless you Rod, I only hope we did you justice.

Original Rod Hull Day Part 2

I feel sick, very sick, and for some reason, all of our faces have gone a funny shade of pink. Scary.

I may never be able to look at pink again.

Happy Original Rod Hull Day!

Well, the big day has finally arrived and it's going well so far!! Everyone (apart from the miserable bastards with no sense of humour) is wearing pink, and we have gathered a large selection of pink goods together. I made some special buns, and iced them in pink with a variety of Rod/Emu/Pink Windmill designs. We have strawberry Nesquik, raspberry ripple drink (JT had some and now feels sick, think we might avoid that one), prawn cocktail crisps, pink marshmallows, pink shrimps, pink toadstools, pink sticky buns, pink marshmallow biscuits, and Bill Oddie milk, just for effect. Bill Oddie's White and Wild milk, to be exact. We have managed to steal a pink cow from reception, and Terry from the canteen upstairs has very kindly agreed to make pink custard for us. Ming is NOT wearing pink, but he did send me a behemoth picture of Rod via internal mail, Ford IS wearing pink cos he's clever and stuff, and we're having a one minute silence in honour of Rod at 11.00am.

It's going good folks, and I shall keep you up to date as events unfold. I'm also taking photos, which I wll attempt to put on here as soon as I get my internet back (4 days - yay!).

Keep on Rodding.

Pink iP