One day I shall be thin

Last night, we went next door for a barbecue. I had already eaten by the time the invite came in, so I just went round to be sociable. It was tres amusant, and very informative, as let us not forget, my neighbours are both doctors, and always keen to know about the latest drama in the medical adventure that is my life. Hefty feasted on a helluva lot of chicken and pitta bread. Then, it got SO COLD we had to go indoors and drink tea. British weather ey, you can't beat it (or predict it).

Today it's lovely and sunny, so I should really hoover out my car. Meh, maybe later. I put in another sesh in the gym, so hopefully that, combined with my even lower calorie diet, should eventually lead me to my goal of supermodel-esque, svelte figure.

I read today about a new Super Juice, called Zambrosa.

Apparently, it's a '....fruity drink bursting with red grape, blueberry and raspberry extracts, which is said to be the most concentrated antioxidant drink on the market....if you down 30ml in the morning, you have already consumed the same amount of goodness as you would get from your five a day. It gives the energising hit of a shot of espresso, without the bitter aftertaste or subsequent slump.'

Sounds good to me, though at £21.00 a bottle (458ml) it certainly aint cheap. I did find it for £17.00 on t'interweb, but by the time P+P kicks in, there's probably no saving really. I'm contemplating whether or not to try it. I think the problem here is that, if it works, great, if it doesn't, I'll have paid twenty squids for juice. Hmm, one to consider further I think....

Tonight, I am going to watch 'Fat Man's Warning' on C4 at 9.00pm. It might be crap, the basic premise involves a 30 stone American walking round Britain and standing outside fast food restaurants shouting "Look how fat I am! This could be you if you go in here!" I watched 'Super Skinny Me: The Race to Size Double Zero' last Sunday, which was good, but I'm not sure about this one. I can always turn it off if it is rubbish I guess. I should really catch up with the snooker. We'll see.

Do you know, this past couple of weeks, the only radio we've listened to is 'theJazz'? All a bit random. Fancied a bit of jazz, found it on the old DAB and that's been it ever since. There's no adverts, and the jazz (so far) hasn't been weird, impro Howard Moon type stuff, so it's been uber relaxing and entertaining. It makes me feel like I live in some swanky New York apartment when I get up on a morning and put it on in the kitchen. Hell, anything that makes Monday mornings that little bit less depressing is good by me!

Today, I read The Times Rich List, to see which of my friends' dads were still in or had moved up (and down). It's something I do every year, lord knows why. There were the usual few, and it occurred to me that I am not yet a multi-millionaire in my own right. I had a rare moment of ambition and decided I needed to come up with some kind of winning idea to put this problem right. Then Hefty came in, and I realised if anyone was going to engineer such a move out of the two of us, it wasn't going to me. He's definitely the brains of the operation, I'm too lazy and inconsistant. I'm still considering the possibility of something or other, but whether it'll come in to fruition or not, it's hard to say.

Oh well. I don't mind being a lady who lunches. As long as I've got a Macbook Pro, a piano, and a limitless supply of Zambrosa, I'm sure I'll manage to achieve something that makes me look half-successful enough to be the wife of an entrepreneur. If my only gift to the world is looking fabulous, being able to use OSX, and hammer out 'Fur Elise' on the old ivories, I'll cope. And very nicely too I should think.

Snoredom*

Well, I've been awake since 5.45am because Hefty is SNORING! And REALLY snoring at that! He doesn't normally do this kind of thing, you get the odd noise now and then but that's it. All my attempts to nudge/shove/stroke/kick him into submission have failed. So I've just had to get up, but I consequently have a blinding headache, cos we had a late night. He's got some ear plugs, which are clearly working well for him, but he keeps forgetting to bring the ones he got for me home, so if this kind of activity continues, I'm going to have to get used to early mornings and headaches. So far I've watched 'The Book of Pooh,' 'Ebb and Flo,' 'Peppa Pig,' and now 'Fifi and the Flowertots.' The first three were pretty good (Ebb and Flo has been a favourite of mine for years, I could sing the theme tune to you, but I won't), but Fifi is apalling, and I may have to turn it over.

Last night we watched 'The Lost Boys,' which I haven't seen for years. I used to watch it a hell of a lot, and I still know most of it off by heart, but watching it again after so long was chunky fun. I was excited all day yesterday about it in fact! And repeatedly told SuperSaz that I was planning on watching it, an action which eventually led to her shouting "Oh god I know I KNOW!" Next on the list to watch is 'Flashback,' an AWESOME film with Dennis Hopper and Kiefer Sutherland in it. I purchasd it for 3 of your English pounds, a victory in my eyes. Virgin have 'Kickboxer' for TWO POUNDS at the moment, so I may have to acquire that too, if only to see the bit where he gets drunk and starts dancing like a carping loon!

Well, I have to email my brother, as he had the cheek to leave a note on my Facebook wall accusing me of slacking off in the communication stakes. Ironic really, he, who is usually harder to locate than Lord Lucan, suddenly wants to chat like a maniac, and my sister, who I usually speak to everyday, has dropped off the face of the Earth!!! Roles have been reversed! Though I'm actually concerned that my sister is reverting back to her pre-pregnancy personality, which wasn't great, as we didn't really get on, and hardly spoke, especially after I rang her up on my wedding day and she told me she was watching a DVD so if I wanted to speak to her I should do so another time! Nice! And that was pretty much why I hated her more than I liked her! But as soon as The Biz came on the scene, she changed, and it has all been fab and groovy ever since (until now, perhaps?!!). Whereas me and the Jonotron have always got on, and the only argument I ever had with him, was when he fell off his bike (he was about 6!) and tried to say I pushed him!! I got in trubs for that, and didn't speak to him for about two weeks! But that's it really, though him being in Australia means that severing ties with one sibling, may as well be with both, as I haven't seen him since last November, and email isn't quite the same as speaking properly.

Oh the trials and tribulations of life ey. Thank heavens I have Hefty, my bezzo for life, the only person I can truly rely on. I guess he deserves a little bit of snoredom now and then, he's clearly earned it.

* Please note, this image is NOT a picture of me OR Hefty, it was just the best one I could find to convey my angst.

Drunkard

Yesterday I rolled in to work staggering about, confused, and generally acting like a drunkard. BUT, if you recall my allergy to alcohol you'll realise that I was NOT drunk, at all!! So, what the CARP was going on? (fishy exclaimations are the way forward!) Well, I began a course of new tablets for my fancy Meniere's Disease on Wednesday, and though I felt a bit shit on Wednesday night, I had no idea I would wake up in the state I was in yesterday! I staggered out of bed and nearly went over the bannister, but I put it down to my feeling uber tired. I had real trouble getting up, but not in the usual 'I don't want to go to work today' kind of way. I soldiered on though, even driving to work, which I have to admit, wasn't a problem. But within about ten minutes of being sat at my desk, I was a mess!! I felt sick, couldn't walk properly, felt like I hadn't slept for a week, and could bearely talk or keep my eyes open! My pupils were dilated to the max, I must have looked like a huge piss-head/stoner. Luckily, my fabulous work chums know me better than that, and the lovely JT, my adjacent compadre, drove me home where I slipped into a coma for about 5 hours (metaphorically speaking). I still feel a bit groggy today, but I'm off in cos I've got tons to do. Scottie's giving us a lift, so I should be okay!

What a drama though. I wish to be normal, is that so difficult?

Meniere's dontchaknow

Apologies for yet another disappearance (I know I'm saying this a lot at the mo), but I've been ill again and had a trip to hospital. I'll not bore you with all the details, but I've seen a Consultant about my Vertigo gubbins and she seems to think I have something called Meniere's Disease. MD (I'm so lazy) involves Vertigo, but it also has a bit of Tinnitus and deafness thrown in for good measure. Whereas with Vertigo it's to do with loose particles in the wrong bits of the ear, MD is a swelling of the inner ear, which is why you get ringing and deafness as well as sickness and dizziness. She's booked me into a Vertigo clinic in the meantime, but I have to go for an MRI scan so she can check out her theory, as well as eliminating the possibility of tumours. It causes 'drop attacks' (how awesome does that sound?!), which I may have mistaken for fainting, so it's all a bit more interesting than it was before. Not looking forward to the clinic thing, as I have to stop taking all my medication for two weeks leading up to the appointment, which could be hellish!! But it has to be done. It's a constant drama with me, I must be the most random 27 year old ever. I have just about EVERYTHING wrong with me. But nothing fatal, so it could be worse I guess. Ho hum.

In other news, after a second gruelling week of dieting, I was thoroughly disgusted to see I've put on 2 of the 5 pounds that I lost last week. I've been stricter than last week, AND exercised, so I'm pretty gutted. We now have a gym in our house, so I figured I was in a win/win situation. Obviously not. Bah >:0(

All of this stuff going on has left me pretty miserable. I'm now fat and deaf, with a tendancy to 'drop.' It's either a winning idea for a film, or a horrible dream I'm having.

Today, I dropped Hefty off at work (at about 7.30am) to find workmen repainting the lines in the car park. I appreciate they need doing, but first thing in the morning? Whilst people are arriving? We had to move some cones and squeeze through a gap in order to avoid getting paint all over my tyres. Useless. Wait until people leave morons!!

Time to sleep anyway, I'm uber tired, but also don't want to watch anymore TV in case I see that stupid Cravendale advert again. There's clearly some twats working at our place. A one legged pirate, a cow, and some dude on a bike do not equal a good advert. I used to think the cows that wanted their milk back was kind of creepy. Now, I wish they'd come after me.

5 5 5 5 5!!!!!

Wahoo! I've lost 5 pounds, 5 WHOLE POUNDS, FIVE!!!!! In a week no less! Brilliant! I am very impressed :0) I suspect it will be less next week, but it's certainly going in the right direction. I may be a supermodel yet!

This morning, at 5am, a police helicopter decided to hover around our area for around 25 minutes. The chunky swines!! I inevitably couldn't sleep then, and lay there thinking about how many illnesses and ailments I have, until the alarm went off at 6am. Rubbish.

I got into work and JT was off ill, Scottie was on holiday, so it was just me and Lise. On farmer pay day. Happy happy joy joy. Not. Farmers aren't great on the phone anyway (well, some are, but not enough), but when they're also mardy, it's not a winning combination. A day of HELL is what we've had. I had to work an extra hour too cos of the other two being off, which would normally be okay but Hefty wanted to get home early so he could finish painting the garage. Consequently, he's still at it now.........

Chunky.

In other news, I successfully earned myself three of your English pounds. Well, got it back really having spent it. I sent my sister a Thornton's hamper along with a Thank You card. The card, wasn't in the hamper!! Scandalous! So I complained and Thornton's have agreed to refund it to me. Not a terribly exciting tale, just another instance of the small man (woman) taking on the big boys and winning. Or something.

Well my funky blue nail varnish is all chipped and nasty lookin. I'm off to slap on some more.

SHAME

Look at me, two posts in one day, tis a miracle! Anyway, I had to post a note about the SHAME my sister has brought upon the family. Yesterday, whilst looking for a 'practical family car', she bought a BMW 318. SHAME ON YOU!!! Now, she's doomed to a lifetime of:

1. Never indicating EVER

2. Changing lanes too quickly, at the last minute, and ALWAYS in a dangerous manner

3. Parking about as good as if a legless donkey was driving the car

4. Speeding, at ALL times

5. Beeping to let someone know she's arrived at their house because she's too important to knock on the door or at least phone from the car

6. Always being on the phone, therefore driving one handed and causing the events outlined in points 1 to 4


AND, of course, she will now be subject to EVERYONE thinking she is a complete and utter WANKER, which I now kind of think she is. See, it's working all ready....

For the love of god, I hope she doesn't put the Biz in there!!! But it may already be too late.....

Why oh why oh why oh why etc......

Ice ice baby

So this weekend, Hefty painted the garage walls and sealed the floor with this rubbery, blue paint stuff. He's turning it into a gym, citin! The equipment hasn't yet arrived, hopefully it will be doing so on Friday, so we can become units again. My initial fitness spurt was hampered somewhat by the operation, but I'm trying to get back into it now, and am back on the old diet. It's gruelling, but I'm trying to think what I'll (hopefully) look like in six months, as opposed to how I look and (feel) now. I successfully managed to sit in a McDonald's and eat NOTHING, whilst the two people I was with did, which I felt was a moment of glory in my persistent battle to lost weight. I should point out that I'm not exactly huge, and don't have a lot to lose, but I'm definitely a little heavier than I should be!! The fight goes on....

Yesterday, me, my best friend Scottie, and her Mum H, all went to Manchester to watch 'Dancing on Ice: The Tour.' I developed an addiction to DOI, as it was on inbetween Harry Hill's TV Burp and Primaeval, and I just ended up watching it. I got quite excited about my Saturday nights when it was on, and even Hefty would pop in from the kitchen now and then to see what the scores were. Not usually the kind of programme I would watch, I'm definitely more of a gratuitous violence and bad language person, but there is an element of skill involved with ice skating, so you have to give the celebs credit for having a crack at it. We had a wicked view, but looking round the arena, it looked like you could sit anywhere in there and have a good view, bonza! The first half of the show was done like the programme, so they all had to perform a number and be judged by the panel. The panel consisted of the usual suspects, except that the Russian woman with ginger hair had been replaced by some dude from Century FM, wherever that is? We all booed that Jason fella vehemently, and cheered the celebs with as much effort. Kyran was there (he was clearly the crowd's fave), along with Duncan, Bonnie Langford, Lisa Scott-Lee, buck-toothed gypsy Claire (how I hate her), and some others from series 1, who I didn't know. They were famous apparently, but I'd never seen any of 'em. It's not like I watch a lot of TV though, and certainly not soaps or anything, so I'm a bit clueless. Anyways, they all skated, and we could text at the end of the first half, the name of the person we wanted to do the Bolero in the final. They CHARGED for the texts though! Which I thought was an outrage! The tickets were £40.00 each, you'd think we could vote for FREE!!!! I'd left my phone at home anyway though, so I couldn't have voted even if I'd wanted to. Kyran and Bonnie ended up in the final, and Kyran won again, which was all very exciting! I do like Kyran, he's such a nice chap!

After all that gubbins, they put on a proper show, so all the pros did their thang, and it was V.impressive!! The only random thing was this couple from Russia doing a 'Wheels on Ice' routine, involving big hamster style wheel things. They spun them and rolled around a bit. Bizarre. It was just kind of weird, as you didn't watch them and say, "Wow!", so much as, "Why would you do that?" All in all though, a wickedace show, we really enjoyed ourselves, and we've decided that Saturday nights will be 'Dancing on Ice' nights, when series 3 comes out. We'll sit at home (me, Scottie, her mum, and I'll try and rope Hefty in), have a takeaway, and hold up the score cards we got with the program (another rip-off, TEN pounds!). We only bought one program, so we're going to photocopy the cards. I can't wait!!

So that's me. I had another dizzy do today, not good, but I think it's cos I'm tired. I came home at lunchtime and have just been sleeping. Wish they could cure it, it's no fun :0(

Tomorrow is my first weigh in, I've been on a diet for a week! Wish me luck!

Sleeeep (would be nice)

Well blimey charlie, I'm a bit short on time of late. It's slipping away, to coin a Mansun phrase (well, song). I've been working, coming home and doing gentle excercises to get back into shape since the op, eating dinner, and going to bed!! I'm really tired at the moment, it's very hard. Being ill sucks. I believe it's my Endo that's causing the fatigue, as it has a tendancy to do that. But because mine isn't the worst they've ever seen, I have to wait until the 25th July before I know what they can do to help!! It's 4 months from the day I had the op, but at the time they said they'd see me in 6 weeks! Lying punks!

Got my Joanne Lees book today, and my pal is in it!! There's pictures of him, and she mentions him a lot! It's freaky! Hefty's going to tell him tomorrow (he works with him, I used to) how excited I am to have a book with the Jaffster in it!! The book itself is good as well actually. I'm only a short way in, she hasn't got to the bad bit yet, but it's a good read. I'm trying to read another book at the mo though, and Hefty bought me 'Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way' for Easter, so that'll be next!

Property Ladder was on last night. I used to love it cos Sarah Beeney would tell people their ideas were terrible and they'd ignore her and then live to regret it. Nowadays, she tells people they're making a mistake, they ignore her and sell up for twice as much as they originally wanted!! I prefer to watch nobbers make idiots of themselves, but now it would seem any old twat can be a property developer, common sense isn't necessary! Grand Designs was the best one of the series though. It's been a little weak so far (with crappy houseboats and stuff), but the Art Deco mansion thing was a triumph! I couldn't live in it, I don't do Art Deco, but it was fabulous. I'd like to live in a futuristicy house, that looks like the kind they'd have in a sci-fi film. A Jetson's-esque pad would be dynamic!

Anyway, I'm uber tired and must go to bed, my eyes are sore and my ears are suffering as I can hear the Hulk on the tv in the lounge. No-one's watching it (the way it should be) but I can hear it. Shudder....

Ta ra rat fans!

:0)

Belated Blog Birthday

Well, it would seem that yesterday was my Blog Birthday (not sure why I capitalised that). Shame on me for not knowing that. So I'm wishing myself a Happy Belated Blog Birthday! We've all been having them recently, clearly there's something about this time of year that makes us want to whinge! I'm not going to do that now though. I'm going to bed instead, cos I'm knackered and have had a crap day.

iP - 1 year old and counting

A serious note

I'm feeling serious. Not like me I know, but stick with me on this one.

I just watched 'Murder in the Outback', which was a TV dramatisation of the Peter Falconio murder in 2001. It really scared me, even though I have no intention of EVER going travelling around the Australian bush. It's a long time since I've watched anything that scared me that much, and the last thing was, ironically, the film 'Wolf Creek', which was along the same lines. I think the worst thing about it, wasn't even the events themselves, though lord knows they were horrific, it was the way Joanne Lees was treated by the media. I can't even begin to imagine how horrendous it must be to go through something like that and then have to contend with people pointing the finger at you. What possesses one person to question another person's reaction to such a tragedy? Who jumps to a conclusion of guilt because someone's recollection of events isn't clear and concise enough, or because they're not crying as much as they 'should' be. The way the media manipulated the story into something it wasn't just to sell papers is thoroughly disgusting. It's no wonder evidence got missed, or lost, or not dealt with properly. Perhaps if the focus had been in the right place, they'd have caught the murderer sooner, and maybe even recovered Peter's body. I guess we'll never know.

One of my friends is Joanne's friend, and he actually went to the trial with her last December. At the time, it was just a novelty to see him on the front covers of newspapers and websites, but now, it has registered with me what a good friend he must be. I don't think she has too many close friends, and who can blame her, it can't be easy. How do you move on from something like this? It's no wonder she went through different jobs and lived in numerous houses due to the attention she, unintentionally, attracted. I think my mate is one in a million, there can't be many who'd fly out to Australia and sit through a trial like that if they didn't genuinely care about her. I'd love to tell him this, but I probably never will. It's not a topic I'd ever want to bring up in conversation, after all, I don't know Joanne myself, so it's none of my business, even if half the world thinks it's theirs. It's this semi-close connection though, that is what, I think, has made this story so important to me.

I'm sure people will always have their own opinions on this, and not everyone will believe Joanne's version of events, thanks to the media. I know that one evening during the trial, a woman went up to Joanne in a bar and asked if she'd murdered anyone lately. It's instances like that that make me think there really is no hope for the human race sometimes.

I've been pretty moved by the whole thing anyway, and have just ordered her book. I hope she manages to live out the rest of her life with some kind of normality, and that one day, Peter Falconio's body is found. It's given me a new-found appreciation for what I've got, and puts all the stupid things I worry about in perspective.

So there. That's me being deep. It's not often I feel this strongly about something but hey, what are blogs for.

iP

Happy Easter

It's not been a great week. My sick note only lasted til the 2nd and to get one for this week as well entailed having to go back to the docs and tell em how crap I felt, something I couldn't be bothered to do. I figured I may as well have a crack at work, cos I'll have to get back into it eventually, and waiting til after Easter would have probably made it that little bit harder to face. So I went back on Monday. I felt awful. Pain, sickness, general knackeredness, it sucked. My solution was to come home and go straight to bed every night, which I did. I was in bed for 5pm, a miracle by my standards. I still felt rubbish every day, but decided I'd come too far to turn back. On Thursday we had an Easter Party, so we pretty much tossed the day off and ate junk - a day that was much easier to cope with! I have a nice collection of white chocolate goodies to consume, and a few days off, so I'm feeling a bit better now.

The good news is, I can now sleep on my stomach again - hooray! No more nights of unbroken rest, a combination of this fact and strong painkillers means that I've slept fabulously the past couple of nights. We didn't do much yesterday, but this was fine by me! I got back into the old afternoon nap thing, and slept, a lot, but hey. Hefty's on call this weekend so we can't really go too far anyway.

Today, we went to the local coffee shop for breakfast, and sat in the garden for the first time. Hefty mowed it, and we plastered ourselves in suncream. I read an article all about chocolate in the paper, and by the end of it, felt sick just thinking about it. Allergy aside, normal chocolate really does make me want to hurl, so I'm surprised I got as far as I did with it. According to 'experts', Dairy Milk is a load of old tosh, and we should be eating one or two squares of the really dark stuff. Clearly these 'experts' have missed the point of why most people eat chocolate. You buy loads so you can scoff it and feel better/happy/full/sick/delete as appropriate. At least, I know when I tuck into a 150g Milky Bar, I'm planning on finishing it, and maybe following it with a couple of MB Choos. Yes, it tastes fab, but I'm not going to spend ten minutes letting it swim round my mouth, invoking my senses. I just want to troff it. They were terribly snobby about it all which was what pissed me off and made me sporadically shout "nobbers" at the page. The 12 year old who represented 'the consumer' seemed to have it spot on. Most of the stuff the nobbers labelled as 'proper chocolate' made her feel sick and tasted like ass. Hefty likes dark chocolate, the high cocoa percentage stuff, but not cos he thinks milk chocolate is common. I can't understand or be bothered with people who get all high and mighty about food. Eat what you like avoid what you don't, but don't judge everyone else by what they're having or not having. It's FOOD!! Nobbers.

Ooh I got a bit riled there, apologies! This is my first trip back on t'internet all week so I'm on a bit of a mission!! I've got to catch up with all the blogs out there that I normally read as well which could take hours!! I'll have to be quick, CSI:NY's on in forty minutes.

All that remains for me to say for now is Happy Easter folks!! Hope you're all having a blast, and enjoying muchos chocolate, whatever brand you've opted for.

Bon appetit :0)

The broccoli had gone. But the hurt remained.

Hello again. I am returned. And what a fun week it has been. Hmm.

So I turned up at the hospital at around 5 to 11 on Saturday morning and had a pre-op assessment. This involved checking that all the info I'd given them previously was accurate and still the same. Then I got into a sexy gown, and sat in the waiting room with Hefty. Some dude turned up and I was led away to the anaesthesia room down the hall. I got onto the bed whilst they took my blood pressure and other important malarky gubbins, and then had to drink this foul tasing antacid thing, to make sure my stomach was settled. Then they put one of those horrible hand needle attachment thingys on me (which hurt like a bastard) and pumped me full of anaesthetic. And that was that.

Next thing, I woke up in some other random room, where a load of nurses were sat around chatting. They came to see if I was okay, and tried to sit me up. I fainted. Ha! You can always rely on me to faint!! I explained to them that I have Benign Positional Vertigo (that's BPV to those in the know), and that I would need my medication. They said I was only allowed painkillers and if I wanted anything else, the doctor would have to sign it off, and there wasn't one. Hefty then appeared, and so did my sister, and they tried to get me up again, but I passed out good and proper, so they told me I wasn't allowed to go home, I'd have to stay in. Boo. This upset me a lot, I don't like hospitals, and the thought of having to stay in one on my own was traumatic!! So whilst they wheeled me up to some ward, I pretty much wept like a badger, and cursed myself for having this operation in the first place. There was only 2 other people on my ward, a couple of old-ish ladies, but I didn't pay too much attention, as I was in pain, semi-conscious, and over-wrought at the prospect of a night without the big H (that's Hefty, not Heroin, for anyone who may have jumped to that conclusion). It's all a bit vague, so some of these details might be wrong, but I remember Hefty and my sister leaving to go and get some stuff for me. They returned with my iPod (a vital accessory for hospital survival, as it turned out) and some other things. I cried again when they had to leave, and lay with a pillow over my head, trying to block out the strip lighting and muffle my incessant sobbing.

Eventually, I fell asleep, but woke up at god knows what time, because one of the oldish ladies was snoring. And when I say snoring, I mean SNORING. I've never heard such a racket in my life!! It was louder than bombs, so I decided to get up and leave, as you do. Yep, it's fair to say I was a little confused, and though I knew I wasn't at home, I wasn't too sure about anything else, only that I wanted to find a phone and call Hefty, after a trip to the loo. So I found the lavatory pretty quickly, and turned on the light. As I stood there with the door open, I suddenly thought, 'I don't feel so good, I might actually pass out, again'. I decided that pulling the red cord with a plastic triangle on it might be a wise idea. It was. It set off an alarm, and 2 nurses came running. They arrived just in time to see me fall over and land arse first on the toilet (an impressive trick, probably couldn't do that again if I tried), hitting my head on the toilet paper dispenser on the way down. They quickly wheel-chaired me back to bed, but not before I'd demanded that they 'remove my paper pants and let me wee at once' in a moment of Withnail-esque euphoria. Then, before I knew it, I was back in bed. I can't tell you how uncomfortable it was. In fact, how uncomfortable it has been all week, mainly because I can ONLY get to sleep on my stomach, and lying on my back (and side, when possible) has meant I haven't had a good night's sleep all week. And I've got terrible back ache too, which is making me feel lousy. I wasn't allowed out until 4pm on Sunday, because they decided that perhaps medicating me for the vertigo might be a wise idea after all, but wanted to give me a few doses beforehand so they could check I was progressing. it didn't help that the doctor on duty didn't know about the clocks going forward, and turned up an hour late. So all I did really was pod out, listening to a bit of Harry Potter, Lacuna Coil, and Korn, whilst I waited for the rents to turn up.

So my folks and Hefty came to collect me, and after the bumpiest car journey ever, I finally arrived home, and went straight to bed. And this is pretty much where I've been all week. I've watched a lot of films, read a few magazines, despaired at daytime TV, and tried to sleep. Stitches came out yesterday, which also hurt, but I am apparently on the road to recovery. Was only allowed to wash on Tuesday, and not with soap or anything. So today was my first day of full on washing!! I used shower gel AND got to wash my hair! Wahoo!! And it turns out that it was worthwhile having the op after all, as I have Endometriosis, which can be bad news!! I go back in 6 weeks for my follow-up consultation, where hopefully I'll find out more. For now though, it's quite nice just to know I do have something wrong with me after all, and though it's taken years for them to find, at least they now have. Hopefully I can concentrate on getting better now, well, in about 6 weeks, when they tell me what they're going to do about it.

So that's me. And that's my week. And now I'm sleepy again.

Zzzzzzzzzzz..................iP.............zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lashings of Ginger Ale

Thanks guys for all your super comments!! It's nice to know I have a good support network out there! :0)
So tomorrow is the big day. I've been bricking it all week, but the worst thing will probably be not being able to eat anything. Eating is good, not eating is wrong!!! Though if I end up as a size 0 after all this it'd be worth it!

I settled on an eclectic mix of films to keep me entertained:

Underworld Evolution
Best In Show
The Running Man
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
Constantine (seen it but like it)
The Story of the Weeping Camel (bought purely for the funky cover)
The Cutting Edge
The Man with Two Brains
Girl, Interrupted
Hostel

It's a random list to be sure, but then I am kind of random so it seems appropriate.

Speaking of random, last night I attended a dinner with Enid Blyton's daughter Gillian. I was sat on the top table with her (oh yes, it pays to be Vice President of the Old Girls Association) and was one of the most surreal moments ever. She did a speech and stuff for everyone else there, but the 6 of us sharing a table with her were mesmorised. Not only was she uber-interesting, she had the kind of voice you could listen to all night. I just kept looking at her thinking, that's frikkin Enid Blyton's DAUGHTER! And I"M sat with her!!!! Bizarre, utterly bizarre. The menu involved puddings that she'd written about in Malory Towers, so there was Spotted Dick, Trifle, Ginger Pudding, and something else that I can't recall. I thought that was quite cool, though it's not the kind of fayre you get at boarding school anymore, so you wouldn't have a clue if you hadn't read the books. We also had Ginger Ale, which was a nice touch. I hate fizzy drinks but hey. It looked cool. So all in all, a pretty fly evening :0) We walked her to her car, which was parked really badly. Just as my compadre Charlotte was commenting on this, Gillian mentioned the knee replacement operation she'd had in November. We're going straight to hell now, I'm sure of it.

So, the next time I write, the op will be all over, and I'll be bed-ridden, with only my trusty iBook for company (and the TV, DVD player, video, Laserdisc player etc.)


I'd like to have posted a picture, but once again, Blogspot is playing up and not letting me. Grrrrrr.

Farewell for now fellow bloggers, see you on the other side.

iP

Not so fierce iPandah

Next Saturday, I'm having an operation.

Yikes!

I only found out on Friday, bit of a shock! So I'm bricking it a bit now, and am in a weird mood. I know I'm acting strangely because I downloaded some Maximo Park and Panic! At the Disco from iTunes. Luckily, I followed up with some Mastodon, so I don't feel too bad now. Clearly I'm having some kind of pre-operative break down though. If I come out of my anaesthesia next week and start asking for anything by The Killers, I'd rather go back under thanks.

So I'm having something called a Laparoscope (do your own Google search, I felt sick when I did it), which means they're gonna slice my stomach open. Nice!! When I get out, I'll be recovering for 1 to 2 weeks, which sounds like a good idea in principal, 2 weeks in bed, few DVDs and laserdiscs, couple of books, sorted. But I'm probably actually going to be in PAIN, and this is what's freaking me out. My sister started going on about her caesarean, which didn't help. She kept saying, "It's really weird when you come out of it, and when you've woken up, your body almost re-enacts the operation so it's as if they're doing it when you're awake!" AAAAGGGGHH! :0(

I'm trying not to think about it but that's all I can think about so I'm afraid I don't have a lot else to say. Apologies.

I need to order some new DVDs to watch, but I can't think of anything I want!! All suggestions welcome, but it's got to be actiony, preferably dark, violent, vampires are a bonus, Blade, Underworld, Fight Club, stuff along those lines. No chick flick shite, I DON'T DO Love Actually, Dirty Dancing, anything like that. I think I might get The Crow, haven't seen that for a long time. Need Lost Boys too, but after that I'm at a loss. Boo.

Oh dear. I feel strange again, I'm going to have to go before I say anything too weird.

:0(

Teddy Potter Time

Yep, it's that time again, Teddy Potter Time. Teddy Potter (for those who are new to this concept) appears every now and then to remind us that for all the bad things that happen, there are good moments too, and we should be grateful for either. If you can live in an attic for 20 years, have your clothes and feet eaten by mice, and still have a smile on your face, you know you're going to be okay.



Once again Teddy Potter, I thank you for reminding me to take the rough with the smooth.

Outburst

My ear hurts. It's making me deaf with its evil sore lumpiness. Grrrr.

This week, has been a week of grumpiness. I am grouchy about my ear, my Mum (and having to go round on Mother's Day), West Ham being shite, CO2 (I don't care who disagrees with me, I believe what EVERYONE has been telling me for years), and my hair, which is just HORRENDOUS at the moment. Misery is following me round it would seem. I think it's because I'm not normally a grouchy, mopey person. I've clearly been drugged or something. But I'm too grumpy to care! And I STILL can't post images on my frakkin blog!!!! AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH, is my response to all of this.

Apologies. If you can't have an outburst on your blog though, where can you? Sigh.

Outburst over, I'm going to bed, because there's a right pair of weirdos on Grand Designs this week and it's anything but calming.

grum(i)P

Vive la CO2

Did anyone see 'The Great Global Warming Swindle' on C4 last night? It was an inspired programme!! I have to say, I've watched a lot of global warming stuff that's rather vague and doesn't give you any answers, but this answered every question I've ever had!! Well, the questions to do with CO2 emissions, I'm still none the wiser about where Burt the Chimney Sweep and Mary Poppins previously met. The crux of it was, CO2 has NOTHING to do with climate change!!! CO2 only increases about 800 years after the temperature has, and it's actually all to do with the sun. Hefty, who did his degree in Bio-Geo Science (yes, apparently such a thing does exist), said he has known about this for ages, as it's one of the first things they teach you. The Earth's temperature changes all the time depending on what the sun's up to, and it has always been this way. Certainly makes a lot of sense. Al Gore made that film about it all, but all the graphs he used had no x or y axis, and so he was able to match up the patterns without technically lying to anyone. According to a lot of these scientists, the threat of GW is an attempt to stop the developing countries developing, as they don't want them to gain any power. That, above all, sounds entirely feesible to me. These super-power countries are always trying to stop everyone else for their own benefit, and something like this is the ideal way to do it. It's propaganda people!! But now, so many people have bought into the idea, that too many jobs exist solely to sort the (non) issue out, and too much money would be lost, so they're carrying on with it. Pah! I guess there's not much we can do, but if they start trying to charge me for my CO2 emissions, I'm going to start a riot. (As the future Mayor of London, Tim, your support would be greatly appreciated!!!) Bring on the revolution!!!!

Now for an amendment. In my last post, I had the cheek to write 'Poultergeist' which I have seen written in many places, but it should actually be POLTERGEIST apparently. Shame on me, I should be punished.

Dinner time is upon me anyway, so I shall take my leave.

Farewell folks, and remember, keep breathing, you're harming NOTHING!

Month End

Month End is that time when I disappear off for ages. This is because I have too much work to do and come home so tired that I fall asleep on the sofa. When I wake up hours later, it's bed time. This tends to go on for about a week, then I'm bored at work again. Vicious. Cycle. So it's been a milky week of milky balancing for me. Fun, fun, fun.

I did manage to watch some random tv inbetween naps this week. I saw 'Interview With A Poultergeist' the other night, which was about this family who had a mischievous poultergeist called Bill. He knocked on walls a lot, then started flinging the kids out of bed and down stairs, then he started chatting. It was weird as hell. I didn't know whether to be scared or amused.

I also watched Louise Redknapp become a Size 0, and though I should have watched it and seen the flaw in dieting, I actually just felt fat, and it didn't help when SuperSaz declared that she was 4 inches off being a Size 0 herself. Now I feel like 'The Woman Who Lost 30 Stone' (Channel 5, Monday night), before she lost 30 stone. It's depressing :0( If I didn't have this wedding, I wouldn't really be bothering, but I have set myself this ridiculous goal of looking like a supermodel in my bridesmaid dress so I don't ruin the photos. I'm sure no-one's going to be looking at me, but I don't want L's friends who I don't know to be saying, "Who's your fat mate?' I'm getting Kelp tablets this week. Apparently they make you thin. I don't care how or why, as long as they do.

Yesterday, I thought that Albert, the biggest of the horses in the field behind our house, had died. He was flat out in the field, and was still there this morning. I consulted my sister, the equine expert, who told me that horses do that when they want to relax, and that I shouldn't worry. She said it was unlikely he'd been there for two days, it was probably just his favourite spot, and I happened to catch him every time he was there. Sure enough, when I got home this afternoon, he was eating hay with his buds. Phew. No-one should have to see a dead horse, it's not nice (I've seen a couple before, this is why I was so disturbed).

For some reason, Blogger is being teh gay today, and it won't let me post any pictures. Pah! This happens every now and then, and it sucks!! So much for new and improved Blogger, google schmoogle. Pah again!

So no pics. Boo. I had a good one too. Maybe tomorow. Hmph.

Astronaut Milking Machine

I have now found something else to be geeky about. Robotic Milking Machines - man, they are AWESOME!!! Today was wickedace cos my farm visit was more wonderful than anything I could have ever imagined!!

The Astronaut Milking Machine consists of a couple of pens (one on the left, one on the right), a series of one-way gates, and a robotic arm. The cow can wander in whenever it wants, and the computer scans it (I don't know why I'm saying 'it', all cows are ladies!), or rather the collar she wears, which has computer chips and things in it, and the machine knows whether she has been milked or not. If she hasn't, feed drops down into a tray and the cow happily eats whilst the robotic arm appears underneath her and does its stuff. Firstly, roller brush things and a water spray come on, and the arm cleans the udders!



Then, the suckers, which are individually programmed for each cow's teats (as in, where they are on the udder), suck the milk out one teat at a time (traditional milking parlour suckers suck all the teats at once). As the milk moves through the pipes, it goes through a checking system, which can detect if there are antibiotics or blood in the milk, if the cow has mastitis, or if the milk coming off is colostrum. If it's any of these things, the milk goes into a separate container. Genius!! After all this, the suckers come off, and it's time for another wash, this time, finishing off with a disinfectant spray. Then the cow wanders out again!! If the cow has already been milked, no food drops, and so the cow, upon realising this, wanders out again. They basically stroll in all day and all night, around 7 times each (there's 150 of them in total), which is brilliant for both milk yield and quality. And they're happy to do it, cos they get fed. It was fab to see, as I'm sure the random selection of photos will demonstrate!



We then wandered off and saw some little calflings!! They were tiny small, the cutest things ever making their little mooey noises! It was all so exciting that by the time I'd got back in the car I was shattered. It's tiring work seeing magic happen.

So that was my day. I am now going to spend the rest of the evening swotting up on dairy equipment.

I am a unit

Okay, so I'm officially not on the 'Yakult' on account of it making me sick at the first mouthful. After some glowing recommendations (Pawpads, Sparky Malarkey) I'm willing to give Actimel a go, but I haven't got round to getting any yet, and I might have to wait until the trauma of Dr Shirota's haenous drink has worn off first.

On the plus side, Hefty has bought me a Cross Trainer. I've been going on about needing more excercise etc. for ages, so he bought me one!! Fab! Much better than the Yakult! It's a good one too, so once we've sorted the garage out (again) I can get on it and get fit!! I need to tone up for my best friend's wedding, which isn't til April 2008, but we go for the fittings (I'm a bridesmaid) in October, which gives me 8 months to turn myself into a supermodel. Plus, it's in Florida, so I need an athletic beach bod, rather than the Pilsbury Dough Boy physique I am currently portraying. I'm well looking forward to it though, it's gonna be a wickedace holiday with the added bonus of a wedding!! Not that I'm particularly fond of weddings, my own involved only 4 other people (2 witnesses, 2 friends), we simply got married and went out for dinner!! I'm not into epics, aside from the fact they're so expensive. But I am looking forward to this one, though there'll be no tannning (she is recovering from skin cancer after all!). I'm still plannning on slipping into an itsy bitsy teeny weeny though, so I HAVE to shape up!

I'm not amused by this rain, I have to go on a farm visit on Thursday :0( It had better wear off!!! Wading through cow muck is one thing, wading through wet cow muck is quite another! Not to mention the flies!!! The farm itself should be a blast though (cue geeky dairy moment), as it's robotic!! Basically, the cows all have tags, and they can wander in and out when they like. Each time they enter the milking parlour, they get scanned, and if they need milking, they get milked, if they've already been milked, they get food!! It's all very exciting!! Each tag is programmed for each cow, so the suckers are automated for each udder!! I know it's a bit sad to find this kind of thing interesting, but it beats a day in the office!

Anyways, I'm hungrier than hell, toddle oo!